Are You Playing Too Hard To Get?

by Cherry Norris on January 21, 2016

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When I was young, my Daddy always told me, "Cherry, men like the chase.  Don't make it too easy for them."

What's he talking about ?!?

I remember thinking, "Dad, you are so square.  You're not 'with it' at all.  You are definitely NOT a modern man!"

I'm an equal woman.  So hip.  So modern.  So now.

Why should I play games?  Is it really necessary?

Have you ever thought this too?

Today's video gives you a fun, fail-proof tip on how hard to play when a man you like comes around and you want to keep him a comin'!

You're not a kid any more.  You're a grown woman for sure.  If you ever worry you're not in sync with sex and the modern man, you simply must see this! 

Thanks for watching and in the comment section below, tell me what you do when a man you're dating asks for sex.

Enjoy!

Love, 

Cherry

 

{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }

Natalie January 30, 2016 at 7:43 pm

One man I dated was so closed off – wouldn't even tell me his age, but was pushing for sex. I explained that I need to get to know a person and know that we are on the same page in terms of relationship goals, to build emotional connection first, etc. And he told me that a man cannot fall in love without having sex! I wonder if any women buy into this B.S.? Also, he said that yes, he expects sex if he takes a woman out. It's so sad that probably we (women) took part in building such expectations by giving our bodies (& souls) so easily, just for a dinner, hoping that they would love us… [sigh]

Thank you Cherry for helping women to reverse that.

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Marie February 1, 2016 at 4:41 pm

Natalie, I was told something similar by some guys. I was not dating them, neither I wanted, but they showed up around me, pushed for sex -apparently, but I probably even did not notice it and was holding a friendly distance, thinking that he was "caught up in some false truth", they need  help. Today, I´d be happy that they would tell me so directly ! If so, I would have saved myself time, soul with a "covert lier". I don´t take such revelations as "poor sad guy" anymore, but often -a guy who goes after his needs only. Red flag. know that men know that they are supposed to cherish the woman, treat her well and eventual sexual relationship must be deserved. I bought into other B.S., so I can imagine it is possible to buy into it, perhaps later in dating.. I bought into something like this already being in a frustrated relationship….

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Camille January 24, 2016 at 12:15 am

Hi Cherry,

I sure wish I knew this information when I first started dating.  It would have saved me alot of heartache!

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ouida January 23, 2016 at 8:02 am

Hi Cherry I love your videos and agree with everything you say. This last Vidio on when to give a man sex is so right but and it's a big but how do you know they will tell you the truth? If they want sex enough they can tell you what they think  you want to hear just to convince you, I'm an older dater and have learned that it's a big problem and vulnerable women of later age can be convinced that waiting is stupid. I don't care how old I am, it doesn't mean I have to devalue myself and give sex just because im older and it's the in thing. My advice to any women is what you have said, but would  we get the truth. I have learned to value myself and refuse to move with the times  and allow myself to be caught up in this trap even if it means remaining alone. 

Thank you so much for your free Videos as cash is tight and your generous gift is so helpful.

Best wishes Ouida

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Mona January 22, 2016 at 5:38 pm

Cherry,

I love your videos and advice. I find it so helpful. Keep sharing with us, you are the best!!!

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Marie January 22, 2016 at 5:08 pm

Great video. Thank you, Cherry ! I did not experience a man asking for sex too soon, but perhaps also because when I was younger, I had sex with men (later bf) without having any plan. I paid a high price in a relationship with a man I thought to be the love of my life when I figured out he lied to me constantly, never wanted to marry despite he talked about it. I´d love to apply the advice and appreciate the interest in me and ask for his plan today. I might have saved myself broken heart -I got too much bonded and it was very hard to get out of there even I stopped any physical contact with him. My body fell into illness afterwards..I am very senstitive to it. I´d not put my body into danger anymore. I must know his plan and see whether he follows through.  I fairly believe today that a man who truly wants to know the woman, learns to love her, wants to know more about her, can wait..and mostly, he wants to wait also.

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Tina May 18, 2014 at 8:10 pm

Cherry, Clever to start off by saying something positive about the man having attraction. To "what are we waiting for?"  you've given us the correct response for protecting ourselves: "What is your plan?"
Thank you! Tina

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Sara May 17, 2014 at 10:02 am

hhh
Thank you Cherry for answering my question.
I"ll certainly take your advice.
Sara
 
 

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Alena May 17, 2014 at 1:55 am

Thank  you, Cherry.
  I see this as a million dollar advice to every woman out there.  Really!  Tha last guy I met wanted sex after day 3!  He was also old fashioned mama's boy (Italian).  He also had sex with women five times and then disappear.    Chiao!
Alena

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molly May 16, 2014 at 4:11 pm

Cherry:
Right on and I toally agree with your viewpoint  Who cares what these men want…sex
befor talking what "we want" is the goal……the first, most important fact-finding.
Love,
Molly

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willow January 22, 2013 at 7:39 pm

Cherry, great advice and its v helpful to get the soundbite and right key words.  thank you for the reminder to set the healthy boundaries so we are protected emotionally.

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Shawn March 22, 2013 at 6:03 pm

Willow, thank you for reminding us of healthy boundaries. Respect goes a long way for ourselves and others. I use a fabulous match maker and have met wonderful marriage minded men. I highly recommend the one I use in LA, Beverly Hills, Orange County to San Diego.
 

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Pam May 16, 2014 at 1:55 pm

I agree with your advice. I'm over 60 & using an online dating service. I receive many winks, like your photo & I'm often added to their favorite list. But don't hear anything further from these men. I have tried winking back if I'm interested. And still no response. Whats the correct way to let a man know you're interested online? 

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Marsy December 2, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Hi Ladies.
I have a close friend who had intimate relationship with the man whos older then her father, but she says that she feels awesome about it, because he makes her feel wanted and sherished every single moment with her. He makes her feel that no other man had ricently for the past few years of her short dating times here and there on the way to find "her man". She's very colnserned about what to do, cause she likes him, but there no future for them at all. It's 40 years different between them.
I told her that enjoy every moment together without thinking for the future. If they both enjoys each other company at theirs surcomstanses it's only one way of looking at it or just stop doing it and be at the same "Just friends" level without continuing their flerting level. SHe's very smart, gorges, yang woman, but she has not so much luck to find "the right man" for her to enjoy the relationship. She feels wanted now, awesome, why not?

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Newcomer November 18, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Hi Cherry,
Great video!  It does seem to come down to honoring ourselves first.  
 
And to Lola, yes some men will lie, even to themselves.  My rule is, the higher his lust factor (even if it's smothered in romance) the longer to wait.   Hope that helps.
Best to all
Cheryl

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lola November 18, 2012 at 5:02 am

Hi Cherry, A lot of men lie, they tell you anything to get you to bed, they will rarely tell u upfront is a one night stand, what to do about that?

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Roksana November 17, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Hello Cherry,
you totally rock! first of all your videos are getting more and more fun…and you look gorgeous ( I mean I always liked your vids). This topic is so awesome, so spot on…as no matter what age…(I'm 36) it seems to be an issue that we all face…men we're dating pressing for sex quickly and when we're "not so in rush" they blame us that WE ARE PLAYING GAMES!!?? and complicating "natural" things. Sooo glad you touched this topic…and am so grateful for you to repeating again and again that there is no rush for it just because the man wants it…and that we do deserve clarity on what his intentions are before we open our bodies & hearts (for many women even if they don't plan to fall for the guy…if the sex is good…they mix it up with feeling of love).
I just love your videos and advice.
Thank you so much for bringing the clarity to this kind of confusing world of male/female relationships (I'm sure it works similarly for same sex relationships).
Roksana

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Goldberry May 16, 2014 at 12:31 pm

That's very revealing, Roksana… if they think making them wait for sex is "playing games", then the real goal for them is just sex.  They seem to think you want the same thing, no strings attached, but won't admit it!  Horrible.
Honestly, normal women are being treated like prostitutes.  This is very disturbing.  I hope the trend changes soon as women stand up for themselves.

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Cristina Lambert November 17, 2012 at 5:52 pm

I really enjoy watching your videos, and even tried the six-second smile you suggested to get a man's attention. It worked! However, after seeing him twice I realized I wasn't attracted to him. There was also another obstacle: he was 51 and I'm 72, much older than your regular audience. While I don't look my age and most people assume I'm 10-15 years younger (even when I ask for a senior discount I have to show proof), my problem is WHERE  to meet an eligible man who's closer to my age. I'm an intelligent, educated, professional woman, slender, considered very attractive, but do not come in much contact with men, at least not the type I'm looking for. I live in the NJ suburbs and there are many more women than men at any organization I've joined, such as MeetUp. Is there any hope for me? I do prefer younger men, but not someone so young I could be his mother (I have a son who's 37). Can you help me? Cristina

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Jackie November 17, 2012 at 11:50 am

thanks for the video….well I am not 50 but am very mature….If the man is not mature and he  is not accountable to himself then he is not for me…I can usually pick this up real fast…yup off running I go. I am in the hay stack….damn that needle is hard to find…I am sometimes lonely but not lonely enough to settle. Sex is important to me but I don't see like you all have expressed it…I don't just give it up to anyone but I am a mature adult and if I decide that I want sex then it will happen….notice I said I- it's not about him, it is about me.  

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Marie November 17, 2012 at 7:23 am

Having a little chuckle watching this video.  This has nothing to do with dating a modern man or age, this is alll about how Men are LOL.  Men will see what they can get from you.  Of course they are gonna ask for sex.  Either they get a yes or no.  Some try to play the manipulative card or get all logic on us but I pay no attention to it.  Having abstained from sex or as come call it 'celibate,' there have been times when dating a Guy he has asked for sex. Once I dated this Guy who was so frustrated that I wasn't having sex without a committment, he'd start arguments with me.  Eventuallly I discontinued seeing him.  I believe that when a Guy respects your decision to wait for sex until a committed relationship is the Guy I am only interested in seeing.  

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Sue November 17, 2012 at 3:26 am

When I gave a daughter I would encourage her to marry high school sweetheart. The older a women the more complicated type of men are around. All this talks are nice to hear but in reality with today's culture finding a good man is like a treasure hunt, most guys are sick plain dudes with bigmouths and no manners, and having mothers issues. 

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Ninah November 17, 2012 at 12:34 am

I've been online chatting and phoning a man for 3 months. He lives 5 hours away.   We're just now getting to the point of meeting.  I understand that if I meet him as a" friend"  first, that there's more of a chance this could work out long-term as either a friend or lover.    
But what if we have a great deal of chemistry?  Since we're long distance, how will I  know if he's follow ing  through on what he says?  So far things are slow and easy, we write almost every day.  
Before sex, I usually ask if the guy will get tested for STD's.  So far, I have not had a problem with this.  If they'll do that for me, then they are usually interested.  If not, Next!
Ninah
 
 

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Sally November 16, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Cherry – Love your short snippets of advice. Thank you so much.  My history is not something I am proud of but following your advice I WILL find a good man sooner rather than later 🙂  I am now going for gold !

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Susan November 16, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Cherry,
You are so brilliant to have created these wonderful short high impact informative videos.  I look forward to them every Friday.
This is my scenerio.  I have just recently reconnected with a man that I had a budding relationship with about 10 years ago  And then again about 6 years ago.  Each time in the past I had other distractions (severe children issues, competing male interest).  Now my adult children are launched and I am much more seasoned and just happier in my life and self..  There has always been great chemistry between us and alot of commonality in interests and cultural background.  I think he is a fine person.
So how should I treat this reconnecting relationship?  Should I proceed with my plan to do duty daing and try internet dating.  (Somehow I usually meet someone before i really have a chance to do online dating). Or should I finally this time focus my attention on him? On our first date we enjoyed some sweet but passionate kissing.(just lips) and hugging.  Can I just treat  the relationship like we are picking up from before? How about  a sexual time frame?  
I am in my early 60's and people always mistake me for aout 10 years less. He is a few years older than me.
Thank-you for your juicy adice.

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Marcia November 16, 2012 at 4:23 pm

You mentioned the words "bond with" in reference to what happens when a woman has sex with a man. Although we can initiate sex who has similiar intentions we do become more "bonded" as that sexual relationship continues whether or not we intended for the relationship to be serious or long term. It's important to check in with your partner regularly to make sure you're both still on the "same page" or you'll get more bonded with him naturally and having sex will not mean anything more to him or the future of the relationship than it did the first time you had sex with him.

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Kim November 16, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Great advice Cherry, just adding a man will give you his plan and he just might tell you what you want to hear to have sex…..remember men are also conquerors….so after hearing a man's plan step back for a while and make sure his plan lines up with his actions before having sex.
In my experience, I've found that men do tell me what I want to hear but that's not their green light to have sex, as I also discover their described plan is not "their" plan. 
I'm 50 been divorced 2 years and yes sex is an important part of a relationship and if I have to wait before giving my body to the man I feel deserves such a priceless gift I'll wait…..not an easy task but I'm worth it and so are you beautiful women.

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Cherry Norris November 16, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Excellent, Kim!
Yes … go with your intuition before giving a man your body.
Love, Cherry

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Daniela November 16, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Hi Cherry,
I am so happy I started watching your videos, they have helped me so much.  I am 51 years old  and I,  also have heard that line before. Unfortunately, a few months ago I did give into sex without asking the plan and that not the norm for me.  I ended up liking him, and of course  it was just about the sex. The good thing is I know now not to give in to it. Practice makes perfect 🙂 Thanks your advice!
Daniela

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Cherry Norris November 16, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Keep practicing, Daniela!
You’re getting it!!
Love, Cherry

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Ginell November 16, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I agree with Cherry, virtue has no age and men of all ages look for it  and I dare say older men appreciate it even more.. and also yes we do need to know his plans before giving our bodies to him because if he's on a different page you can save yourself quite a bit of heartache. If he thinks you're childish or old fashioned for that, then he's not your man.

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Cherry Norris November 16, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Yay, Ginell!
You got it 🙂
Love, Cherry

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Tammy November 16, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Cherry,
Wanted you to know how much I look forward to your videos ever Friday morning.  I have never, ever left a comment, question or response for any online "dating/relationship expert" . You my dear, are the exception. I am a 50yr old woman, a professional, educated and firmly believe that values, courtesy, accountability and being true to yourself is what should guide all women (young and young at heart) thru the dating jungle.  Like Kim, men I have met in my age group are well….selfish….(and quite up front about it). One begins to feel that self worth and standards are a thing of the past. So sad. Thank-you for reminding all of us searchers out there that we are not oddities. That we women, are the prize and a prize worth appreciating..Thank-you Cherry  Tammy   
 
 
  Unfortunately, my search for my  

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Cherry Norris November 16, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Thank you, Tammy. I’m honored for your comment.
Self-worth and standards are never out of style …
and you are the prize indeed!
Love, Cherry

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Laura November 16, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Tammy & Cherry,

I just wanted to say Thank You.!  Thank you for helping me to realize that I am not the only one out here w/values anymore.!  It is rough indeed and one has to develop that tough mental outlook – while trying to be feminine.  It can wreck havoc on the confidence if  you let it.!

While I am fairly active in my life – the men just aren't flowing in – so I continue doing and creating my life and hold onto the hope that one day – a man will chase me.!

Thank you again for your lovely reminders, tips and tricks Cherry.!  🙂
All my best,
Laura

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Kim November 16, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Hi Cherry,
I am also 53 and have been dating this man for just about 3 months, no sex yet…but glad I waited.  I am a very intuitive person and this is the first time in my life, I am not giving in when the man asked for sex.  Glad I waited as the more I spent time with him, the more I came to conclusion, I am unable to accept his bad habits (smoking, drinking often and unhealthy diets and only tolerate them), and although he has everything else I wanted, good job, own properties, good family background…I realized he had not put me on his priority list yet and would make up story to get out of our plans or completely forgot about it after a few days, pretending or not when his kids or better offer.
Although it happens only couple times, but it is on my very high list.  I give everyone a professional courtesy and expect the same treatment.  Not so the right man!
 
Thank you for your advice!
 
Kim
 

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Cherry Norris November 16, 2012 at 4:12 pm

You got it Kim!
Hold out for a man who makes you his priority!
Love, Cherry

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