Smart vs. Sexy: Who’s The Right Man For You?

by Cherry Norris on January 14, 2016

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Let's face it, everyone wants the whole package:

A smart, sexy man who turns us on and makes our life better.

It's pretty simple really.  Not complicated at all.

But unfortunately, the cute man you're dating isn't that bright

And the smart man you like isn't as "hot to touch."

Hmmmm.  What do you do?

Since you can't change a man's look or his brain

How do you choose between them?

Or do you?

Today's video gives you a fun, fail-proof tip on how to handle two men who satisfy you in different ways.

If you want the whole package, you must see this now!

Thanks so much for watching and please tell me below what's more important to you … a man with smarts or a man with s'ass!

Love, 

Cherry

{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }

Stephanie January 18, 2016 at 7:43 pm

the question should be about respect…all relationships fall apart when a woman lost respect for her guy…i cant respect i guy i have to take care of like a child/dependant

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Camille January 16, 2016 at 3:38 am

Hi Cherry,

It is nice to have a man with sex appeal for a good time, but I feel it is better to choose a man with intelligence for a long term relationship.  It would help if he has a sense of humor.

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sandy January 15, 2016 at 2:20 pm

A smart man can learn what you need, a merely sexy man cannot.

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Marie January 15, 2016 at 1:30 pm

I never had this issue, I was not dating men who were not intelectually stimulating (it feels repellent to me, and they actually never were interested me, at least never in a longterm) and who were not attractive towards me. However often, they were poor and non-amtibitious (poets). It sounds confusing for me to analyse it over in my head, why did they not propose, why do I not meet financially secure, intelectual, sexy men they want to propose to me…I will continue focusing on what I like "inteligent men, chemistry, financial stable (a new one for me), good character"..e.g. I don´t invest my time in sexy, intelectually stimulating poor poets or guys who are funded by their parents anymore etc. I will see whether somebody gives me an offer I want to accept.

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Nadya April 26, 2014 at 5:16 am

I think what makes a man sexy is that he wants to please me.
 

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Nai`a April 25, 2014 at 9:48 pm

Aloha Cherry–
Love, love, love your videos!
No woman can be truly happy with a man she doesnʻt connect with physically.  So, I say, itʻs not smart or sexy, but, how smart and how sexy?  If you can connect with the brainiac physically, heʻs smart enough to learn to please you.  The sexy one, however, canʻt learn to have a conversation!  Iʻve been there, and the sexy ones didnʻt last.
Iʻve only returned to men a few years ago, more than twenty years after a heartbreaking divorce.  I had been involved with three wonderful lovers, all long distance, until last month.  Then, someone whom I had deeply connected with, on line, for more than two years, unexpectedly showed up in my life, and all the others have been let go!
When Mr. Right appears, you will know, at once. 
Nai`a N.

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Pam April 25, 2014 at 1:54 pm

I finally met a man Where mutual chemistry is strong. But all he wants to talk about is having sex with me.  I do admire his work and we share some mutual interests. He's financially secure. All conversations are through email. He says he doesn't like long conversations & he feels sorry for me that I'm so scared. He's 70 & I'm in my 60's. He's never been married. I share that I need to get to know him & feel safe with him. He continues to invite me over and minimizes my concerns. Its hard to walk away from this intense attraction but I'm thinking it may be a danger sign. Any advice?

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sandy January 15, 2016 at 2:18 pm

A man who's never been married is emotionally unavailable and you would be smart to stay the heck away!  He is incapable of being in a relationship.

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Ann Ritter April 25, 2014 at 12:57 pm

I chose the sexy man once and it cost me more money than I want to say!! Ouch! It was the first person I dated after my divorce so I was quite naive! I will go for the intellect from now on. Lesson learned
Thanks Cherry!
Ann R,

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Michelle February 14, 2013 at 8:42 pm

Well, if it helps anyone, I dated and married the sexy and slightly intelligent man. After 12 years and 2 kids, he had a midlife crisis (getting older and needed confirmation that he was still sexy) and long story short, we are now divorced. I'm now a single parent with two amazing kids (who are cute as can be) and am open to finding the intelligent man over the "sexy" man.  The sexy man may be good for the short run, but my money is now on the man that uses that amazing brain of his and knows a good thing when he's got it!

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Jennifer November 10, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I think that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.  To me, intelligence can be incredibly sexy. I have, in the past, fallen madly in love with guys who weren't necessarily the societal "standard" of sexy physically, but the way they treated me, "got" me or the way we related to each other made them very desirable and my body followed. Now if only I could find one that also had more emotional intelligence/fortitude 🙂 Thanks for your very helpful and thought-provoking videos, Cherry!

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Daniela November 10, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Hi Cherry,
 
I am not dating any men at this time. You gave me alot to think about though. I really enjoy your advice. Thank you! 🙂
Daniela
 

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Diana November 10, 2012 at 4:04 am

As always, thank you, Cherry.  You stimulate my critical thinking.
I have met a man who is both incredibly sexy and brilliant.  He has no money and may never have any, and I'm thinking about how this would work out for me.  There just isn't parity right now.
I like what you said about "let your body choose."  I am choosing to feng shui my body and my house and my life so that I will have no baggage to bring into this relationship or any other that may arise.  And clearing out the past is fun!

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Janet November 10, 2012 at 1:57 am

To L.E. I think you might be telling the men your health issues too soon before you know them well enough.  A real man will not bail on you like these men do.  I have also found that there are men who have had women bail on them for their health issues.  My finance has health issues.  He has seizures and some back issues, and is the sweetest kindest man I know (outside of my dad).  He is generous  and thoughtful and we share a lot of the same passions as well as ideologies together.  Our relationship started with me just being his friend and helping him with his health issues so don't give up – there are men out there who would understand your health issues.  Mine understands mine and I understand his.

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Janet November 10, 2012 at 1:49 am

There is also a 3rd choice.  It could be that neither man would be right for her and that a 3rd man could come along and be the right man.  I had a situation many years ago where I had several men interested in me but none of them were right for me.  I chose to be solo then as a committed relationship is just too important to do with a mediocre man.  You want to be thrilled out of your mind with a man, and not accept anything less than you deserve.  The question to ask is not "is man A or man B better", but rather "can I accept man A or man B as is".  If you cannot accept a man fully as is then he isn't right for you, and then it is your responsibility to either move on or stay.  I don't think this is really a choice between man A or man B as much as it is about what you can accept or not accept in a man.  The question asker didn't tell us all how each man treats her.  Is man A/B attentive? Does man A/B have a similar ideology as her?  How does man A/B feel about finances, family, kids, health issues, friends?  I think there is a lot more to explore here with these two men.

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Caroline November 9, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Luckily I find smart very sexy – the nerdier the better!

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Gina January 24, 2016 at 1:46 am

Amen, Caroline!

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Marcia November 9, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Having married a smart and sexy man with whom I shared a 26 year marriage I can say that looks don't last and not-so-smart is forever. Go for the smart one, you'll be glad you did.

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MizzBond November 9, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Hi Cherry,
Thank you for doing what you do. You are so much fun and I really appreciate you!
For me, intellelect IS sexy and I find "smart" men very stimulating and alluring. The smarter they are, the more appealing they become to my senses.
I am a little over one year single again after a 28 year long relationship. I have only recently dated a wonderful man a few times, but it didn't take long to understand he was not Mr. Right-for-me.  I am 52,  but discovered, thanks to you, that there ARE decent men out there AND that it is OK to date several – and even enjoy the process! 
Keep up the wonderful work and I wish you much continued success.
And to ALL the ladies who come here, I hope you all find the love you so much deserve. I enjoy reading all your posts.
 

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Carma November 9, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Frankly, I want and need both. I'd hold out for a man with both and not settle for either or. And believe me, I've found many sexy intelligent men! 🙂

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Ginell November 9, 2012 at 5:32 pm

For me I rather respect a man for his intelligence because after all looks do fade and I prefer to be supported and not having to work.

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L E November 9, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I am 63 and living on Social Security.  I have a graduate degree and once owned my own business for several years.  I am overweight and have diabetes.  Also, I've been married 7 times, because I was raised that you didn't have sex with a man until you were married.  I'm attractive and draw men to me, but not the ones who can bring sex appeal and financial stability to the table.  When I do attract a quality man, he bails as soon as I disclose any of the above. I have self-cnfidence, and believe I am a quality woman.  I am looking for a lifetime partner and a solid marriage.   I believe in being honest, but my question is–how do I handle these issues without scaring away the good ones–or should I resign myself to being alone?  Thanks for listening.
 

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Cherry Norris November 9, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Great question for a future video, LE 🙂

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Ninah November 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Hi Cherry,
Until yesterday, I was connecting with two men, both long distance.  They both are smart and sexy.  However, one challenges me intellectuallyl, and the other is on my spiritual path.  Yesterday, one of them made the decision for me.  He wanted me to commit to him (after only a few e-mails).  He said "Don't waste your time and don't waste mine."  Well, I don't like to be rushed.  He wanted what he wanted now.  His declaration raised red flags for me.   I do not feel ready to choose, so I said good-bye to him.  
The other man and I have been writing for some time.  He's slow to make decisions, but once made, he follows through.  I like his pace, though it's slower.   We'll see what happens.
I'm in my 60's and feel that I'd rather have the right man, than any man.
Thanks for letting me share.
Ninah

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Cherry Norris November 9, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Good for you, Ninah!

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Jan November 9, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Hi Cherry!
An interesting topic today for sure…..I am dating two men, and find myself in the situation you discussed in your tape. 
One of the men I am dating is an electrical engineer who is in executive-senior management and travels internationally and nationally.  Quite classy in his dress, financial security, caring, philianthropist and a true gentleman in every sense of the word.  The other man, I met quite by accident at a high school reunion.  He is an attorney, busniness man, entrepreneur, philanthropist, and he too is, affable, caring, successfull, sexy, classy and a true gentleman. See my dilemma???
I like both men, but have only been seeing each of them for the past 2 1/2 months , both are relatively new to me.  But, if I had to flip a coin, my preference would be the gentleman who is the attorney.  I ask myself why would I choose him, and my anwser to myself is that he is age appropriate and we share several commanlities; ie: biking, travel, solitude, love of the ocean, and a love for Italy.
But, on the other hand, the engineer also shares the same commonalities as stated above.
The only difference is he is 12 years my senior.  And, for some reason, that  "age gap" does bother me. Though, I do enjoy his company, humor and the fact that we are able to carry on conversations for hours when we are together or over the phone.
Again, Cherry, see my dilemma!??
If you could give me any input into how I should proceed in my present situation with these two men, I would appreciate your help.
I look for your inspiration!
Ciao!
Jan
 

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Cherry Norris November 9, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Keep dating both, Jan, until one of them really steps up to be your man!

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Beth November 9, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Why not stay open and receptive for the man who has both smarts and sex appeal?—like YOU did on that cruise, Cherry!
 

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Teresa November 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Well, if you're anything like me, after breaking up with my college boyfriend, I waited five years for the man of my dreams, and it didn't work out!!  Can you imagine how heart broken I was?  Obviously, just because I waited that long for the "perfect man" didn't make him the RIGHT man.  The idea behind dating two or three men at once is good because it forces you to explore who you are with different people, and figure out what you really, truly want.  🙂

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Cherry Norris November 9, 2012 at 5:53 pm

You got it, Teresa!

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Cherry Norris November 9, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Yes that’s right 🙂

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Kim November 9, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Hi Cherry,
I also have the same dilema.  I am struggling between a not so sexy however loving successfull, intelligent, generous, available, committal and powerful to a sooo sexy, intelligent, not as successful (good enough), not so available and non-committal man.   I want a commitment so am leaning towards the non-sexy one.   I found myself fipping back and forth between the two, but the non-sexy one is weighting heavier on the scale as days go by. 
Been dating him for almost 3 months 🙂   but holding out the physical bits with both of them.
Kim

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Cherry Norris November 9, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Good for you, Kim!!

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Jazz November 9, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Not a smart man, not a sexy man, just a man who makes me feel pretty good being just like I am.

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Cherry Norris November 9, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Lovely, Jazz!

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