How To Make Him Be A Better Man

by Cherry Norris on February 4, 2016

Men can be so clumsy.  Seriously.

But I don't have to tell you this because after dating enough of them, you already know.

Still, it's shocking when a man invites you out, then asks you to split dinner …

Or complains about his ex …

Or insinuates that you're not doing enough when he offered to cook you a meal!

Doesn't he realize how cheap, cranky and critical he's being?

It doesn't feel good at all!

It's downright uncomfortable.

So when you leave and he calls you back to aploogize, do you give him another chance or not?

Well … before blowing him off completely, try this fun, fail-proof tip on today's video.

Since there are no perfect men (we've all got our stuff) … it's less about who he's being and more about how you "make him want to be a better man."

The next time a man says or does something clumsy, use this fun tip to see if it's worth giving him another shot.

Thanks so much for tuning in!

Enjoy and leave a comment below and tell me how you react with a "low cost" man!

Love,

Cherry

{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }

Jas July 31, 2017 at 5:45 am

Hi Cherry,

My boyfriend keeps telling me that he wants a relationship that 'challenges him'. When I ask him what he means, he says that guys want to be with a girl who 'challenges him to be a better man'. I have no idea what he means by that, and honestly, I don't think he does either. Any thoughts

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Stephanie February 5, 2016 at 7:58 pm

Cherry thanks for your short and to the point videos. I get exhausted with a lot of bla bla bla "man" info. Other relationship experts think women should turn man knowlede into a part time job….you make it short, clear and concise. THANKS

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Cherry Norris February 6, 2016 at 12:19 am

Thanks for your coments Stephanie!  

Appreciate your watching!

Love, Cherry

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JT February 5, 2016 at 6:43 pm

This was GREAT advice. I could relate to the situation. Your response was classy, clear and you took the high road.  However, I've learned that there's rarely a man who says "no", because he can't admit his failings. Instead they'll BLAH, BLAH, talk all around it but the bottom line is No.  

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Mona February 5, 2016 at 2:53 pm

Cherry,

Your videos and advice are great! They have been so helpful to me and give me hopw and courage that I am on my way to finding and marryng my man.  I love your straighforwardness and humor…makes me remember dating should be fun. thank you so much for all that you do.

Mona

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Marie February 5, 2016 at 1:41 pm

I had let myself treated "cheap". I did not know what to do, I was even not sure that I have the right to be with a generous man and did not left. Thus, I appreciate another way. You have every right to want me to share the payment for the meal /offer something little and low cost for meal), however I am looking for a man who is generous.with me and cherishes my feelings (I feel comfortable with a man who cares for me, for my well-being, my hunger etc.). Are you willing and able to do that ? I hope I will have the courage to do so. It feels much better than getting resentful later on…

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Nadya June 13, 2014 at 6:07 pm

If the fellow is really hateful about exes, gays, etc., there won't be any changing him.

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Sophia July 19, 2013 at 3:18 pm

Hi Cherry,
I forget that dating is a practice to get to learn and use my skills for the man I do want to be my man.
Thanks for the video!
Sophia

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Molly March 29, 2013 at 5:48 pm

Cherry:
Great advice on how to handle that type of person who comes across
as a classic clod!
Molly

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Tasee bell January 4, 2013 at 5:25 pm

Hey cherry I really enjoy your videos  they are informative, entertaining and funny keep them coming!

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Cherry Norris January 5, 2013 at 5:27 pm

Thanks, Tassee.
Appreciate your tuning in!
Love, Cherry

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Lynn December 10, 2012 at 4:43 am

Hi Cherry,
Thank you for your fool proof tips. You make dating much simpler which is such a relief. I would like to know how to hand le a date or boyfriend that has habits you do not find acceptable. In one of your videos it shows a woman letting a man know that oogling over other women while with her was not okay with her and asked him to refraim from such behavior while with her. If I were in that situation I would not feel comfortable knowing he was acting in that manner even without me there. That does not seem like a man that is looking for something serious. What do you think?

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Sharon December 8, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Thank you, Cherry for your wisdom and advice. I feel at times as if you are my best friend, because in many, many ways you have made me feel so much better. When I meet another woman who has been wounded in love, I always refer her to you!
 

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Cherry Norris December 9, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Thank you, Sharon!
That’s lovely!
Love, Cherry

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deanna December 8, 2012 at 8:12 am

Thanks Cherry,
good advice, as I would normaly not want to date a man further who acted like that. Now i may just state my  'conditions' and see where we go from there. Seems more reasonable. Hope I can do it.
d
Thanks for the videos, short and to the point

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Cherry Norris December 9, 2012 at 5:54 pm

You can do it, Deanna!
I know you can!! 🙂
Love, Cherry

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Marie December 8, 2012 at 2:27 am

Hi Cherry,
 
Happy Friday!  Thank you for this video.  In the past, my reaction would be defensive and never want to deal with him again.   After viewing this, I now know how to respond sensibly and nonconfrontational.  This gives a better understand how to communicate my needs. 
Thanks!

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Cherry Norris December 9, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Yay, Marie!
You got it 🙂
Love, Cherry

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sue December 8, 2012 at 2:25 am

Thanks Cherry. In the hindsight, I think there are two basic rules of thumb : 1) don't go along in the relationship in he makes a woman uncomfotable 2) a woman needs to speak up, in the most feminine but firm way, that she has lived with her standard and it's up to the man to follow it or not, you aren't forcing him to do so. In a modern era, when most women live so independently, work and live on her own, she's her own guardian compared iwth the time when long time ago a man needs to watch his manner when pick up a woman and ask permission from her father. As a result, these days most men are not required/filtered out in the first place, let alone to treat his date like he's the luckiest man in the world to have an opportunity to date her. I think the purpose of the date is to set a tone, a pace, and if he isn't able to catch up, she must let him go and move on, because if this happens in the same way a decade ago, her father wouldn't even let him in in their house.  These days women act in a manly way to find a solution, to fix a man. I guess relationship is never truly born that way. 

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Cherry Norris December 9, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Thanks, Sue!
SO well stated 🙂
Love, Cherry

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Silvia December 8, 2012 at 1:19 am

well… there's the option he is actually poor… I'm a freelance artist and art teacher same as the guy i''m dating and of course we pay each our own coffee. However I had the greatest date ever last time. We were biking  (in our second hand bikes, I'd love if everyone with money or without money would get one of those instead of having a car, slow down their lives, have time to go to places, talk to people and keep the city clean and quiet). It was a lovely sunny day, beginning of winter and when we got cold ears he took me to a lovely cafe place he knew where they served cheap but good coffee.  I hope love doesn't have to do anything with money for God's sake!  if one day i'm in the midle of a war with no money and no bread I hope the persons who loves me stil would love me!  (sorry if I got to pasionate, you know i'm an artist…)

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Marie December 8, 2012 at 2:34 am

Great idea for a date Sylvia! I love bike riding and doing simplistic things like that on dates.  Spending quality time and getting to know one another without the pretenses.  However, I'm like a two edged sword.  I also like financial comfort.  I love having enough money to spend what I want without sacrifices.  I also like Guys to be financially secure, but they don't flaunt what they have and are secure within themselves.  But I definitely understand you regarding inexpensive dates and just spending quality time.  

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Cherry Norris December 9, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Beautiful, Silvia.
You got it! It’s the energy exchange that’s most important!
Love, Cherry

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Newcomer December 7, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Hi Cherry,
First I want to say, I really love how generous you are regarding men. I never sense you putting them down or the women who write in either!  Also I love what you said about now it's her chance to practice asking for what she wants, a man who will protect, provide and cherish her feelings and letting him know he has every right to say and think what he does about women.  A fabulous lesson for us all.
The hard part is, I find men who are really attracted to  a woman will often say or believe anything about themselves to make a good impression – while not necessarily being able to do it and follow through.  So I guess that separates the real men from the posers???
For instance a man who is normally a player but is very sexually attracted to a woman will say, I can be monogamous and want to settle down with you.  When in fact, it is temporary until he beds a woman. Then it's, this isn't working for me.  I'm trying to say I get the feeling men don't really know what they want, who they are, and what they really can provide for a woman when he really wants her. So is it a matter of time tells?  
 
I guess I'll have to watch – "Why he disappears." 🙂

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Marie December 8, 2012 at 2:41 am

I've experienced a few Guys like that lol.  They tell you what they think you want to hear just to get in your pants.  With those Guys, I have them show rather than tell and I don't have sex with them until we are in an exclusive relationship.  What I have found is even if he is ONLY trying to bed you, he will not take the time to get to know you better and wait to have sex.  His actions speak clearly and that's how i differenciate the 'player' from the guy interested in a relationship.  

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Cherry Norris December 9, 2012 at 5:51 pm

A real man knows what he wants, Beth!
Believe me 🙂
In the meantime, keep watching!
Love, Cherry

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Bee December 7, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Hi Cherry,  you're right on about some guys not getting "romantic dates."  
Athough I probably wouldn't call him "cheap and cranky" I would tell him how I interpreted going "halfsies" on early dates:  that a man had no romantic interest in me.
 

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Cherry Norris December 9, 2012 at 5:49 pm

You got it, Bee!
Love, Cherry

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Donna June 13, 2014 at 4:20 pm

I love your idea Bee of saying it feels like he has no romantic interest in me. I like sticking to how I feel. I'm pretty sure Cherry said in one of her videos (or the Duty Dating movie) that no one can argue with my feelings. I have even said (if someone tries to), "They are MY feelings. I understand yours are different, but I can't change the way I feel." I have always found it helpful to stick to my feelings, when expressing a dislike or something that makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm in a great relationship now, and I got here partly because of these videos and the movie. I did everything in the movie (except waiting for engagement to be sexual. I waited for a commitment leading to marriage in the future. We've been together 10 months and talking about marriage!) These videos (and comments) still help me, in relationship. Thank you for your comment Bee, and thank you Cherry for all of yours!

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Cherry Norris June 14, 2014 at 3:19 pm

Congratulations Donna!

So happy to hear you're in a great relationship and tthat hese videos and my movie, DUTY DATING were helpful!

All the best to you!

Love,

Cherry

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Elyse December 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Hi Cherry,
In my experence it seems like your intended conversation with this man that confronts the issue never really gets a simple yes or no answer.  Usually I find that the man will try to defend his actions or way of doing things.  I'm referring to your response to this woman's dllema in this video.  Honestly, whenever I have had any ckind of confrontation with a man and tried to express my feelings, it never resolved with him either agreeing or disagreeing.  I've also tried to be non judgmental and gentle in my approach.  This discrepancy between a real and staged situation somewhat confuses me.

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Cherry Norris December 9, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Great question, Elyse.
You’ll get clear in the MMYM Mastery program!
Love, Cherry

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Alexandra December 7, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Thank you Cherry, for your gentle, positive approch to a reacting man.  I will consider it.
My experience is that a man (and woman) shows you where they are and then it only keeps going in that direction.  Of course, I am still single.  

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Marilyn December 7, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Hi Cherry,
I love your videos and fun interactive style.  
What does it mean when a man 'mentions' that he is worried you might become attached?  Yet he keeps in contact.  Is he referring to his own fear of becoming attached or is telling you clearly that he is a player?
Thanks.

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Marie December 8, 2012 at 2:55 am

I understand that you were interested in a response from Cherry but please don't mind me for putting in my two cents lol.  Usually, when a Guy says that he is afraid that you would become too attached means that he is looking for a more casual experience (sex and nothing else).  No strings attached, you both see whom ever you want to and you are not committed to one another.  Sounds like he may be telling you that he believe that you would become romantically interested in him wanting more than a casual experience and he is not willing to give that.  He's trying to see where you are and what you are going to say.  Are you willing to give him what he wants, dating and sex without committment or are you interested in a relationship.  My suggestion is to do what is best for you and if that means that you are interested in a relationship, then let him know and make no apologies.

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Marcia December 7, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I found myself in the position you described minus the critical part and I simply paid my share and decided not to puruse the relationship. I realized that an older (over 60) man who asks you to pay your "share" may be simply looking for companionship and doesn't really want to "date" you or anyone. Don't bother to share your standards if you aren't really interested because they will come back to you and apologize if they're a quality man!
 

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Cherry Norris December 9, 2012 at 5:46 pm

You got it, Marcia!!
Love, Cherry

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Victoria December 7, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Hi Cherry
Just wanted to say how much I love your videos and advice. So feminine and classy – just like you!
Victoria 🙂

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Cherry Norris December 9, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Thanks, Victoria 🙂

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Valerie December 7, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Hi Cherry,
I really enjoy your videos. I like the TONE, light and playful, like dating should be!
I think a lot of women approach dating like going to the dentist and that's a self- fulfilling prophesy, as they say….
OK, so here's 2 questions:  
What do you say when a man says "I'm a one-woman man" early on, but you are still dating other people?  I don't want to seem evasive, but need to get to know him better to commit…  Note: these are good men looking for a relationship. 
What's the best way to say I'm busy but want to see you?  You are supposed to have your own life, but I have had guys give up because the first couple dates they suggested I had schedule conflicts…. 
 
 
 
 

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T December 10, 2014 at 5:26 am

Hi Cherry,

I just came across your website and I have a question. I met a guy a few months ago that is very sweet, generous, and really what I look for in a man. The only problem is, im not attracted to him. If he cut his hair and lost a few pounds he’d be cute! But i just can’t get over the fact that I’m not physically attracted to him. Which I think is important. We share similar, passions, goals, and visions for the future but Im afraid I may be passing up a great opportunity because maybe Im being to shallow? But I also have to think about looking at him everyday. What do you say?

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Cherry Norris December 10, 2014 at 4:10 pm

Thanks for your note T.
I say your body picks your partner and if you’re not physically attracted to him it’s a deal breaker. He may be a great guy but w/out chemistry it’s not a good match.
Got it? Good!
Love,
Cherry

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