How To Tell Him He’s Not Right For You

by Cherry Norris on June 2, 2016

You meet a nice man.

He takes you out a few times.

He does his best to please you.

He does all the right things …

Calls when he says he will.

On time to pick you up.

Takes you to nice places.

He’s great … except you don’t feel that indescribable something that makes it exciting.  You just don't feel the heat.

You don’t want to be rude. He doesn’t deserve to be hurt … but you know he’s not your man.

How do you ext gracefully? How do you tactfully tell him "good-bye?"

In today’s video, you’ll learn the EXACT words to use when letting a nice man go.

Even if he’s not your man, you want to make him feel respected while taking care of yourself.

Enjoy and leave me a comment below!

Much love,
Cherry

{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Camille June 3, 2016 at 5:44 pm

Hi Cherry,

What a nice and tactfulful way to let someone know that you two are not a match! I have got to remember to use that line the next time that I am in this situation with a potential boyfriend.

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Lisa December 19, 2014 at 10:54 pm

Hi Cherry,

What if you have a first (blind) date and he’s certainly nice enough and you had good conversation but there was no spark…should you go again or do you think you really just know there is no physical chemistry? Also, what do you say when a man tries to KISS you good-bye when you’re not feeling it and he obviously is.

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Kathy October 26, 2014 at 8:47 pm

Jan, I think you are pretty lucky if you have all that.. Remember men with money can get “hot” younger women looking for security.. I am in an odd position.. I have been left with money to spare(widow) and the men I really like(cute. personable, loyal types) seem to be intimidated by the fact that I have some money and don’t have to work.. They feel “less than” and seem to think that I won’t want them long term , which is the opposite of the truth. The man I really wanted more than any other has run away because of this and I don’t have a clue what to do.. I am leaving it alone for now and hoping he might come to his senses? Any ideas, folks?

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Clare June 3, 2016 at 6:51 am

Kathy,

 

To be honest, I would downplay the fact that you have lots of money, it's something men are sensitive about. A lot of their identity as a man is tied up in the job they do, how much they earn and their ability to provide. Even the wonderful guy I'm with now, when I mentioned I'd be earning a decent salary when I qualify with the degree I'm doing, he said playfully "as long as you don't earn more than me!" I knew what he was saying though. He wants to feel like he can take care of me, and I'm guessing that's how your guys feel too, because that's how most guys feel.

 

There's no need to mention your having lots of money on the first few dates. If they ask what you do you can list your interests and passions, and you can say you don't have to work but don't draw too much attention to the money aspect. Honestly. I just think it would be better from a lot of points of view. Let him treat you and pay for things. Thank him. Make him feel like a man, and he will adore you.

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april August 27, 2016 at 3:49 pm

Kathy- Even if I were a man- who had money, I would also downplay the money fact- just to know for sure "are they after me or my money?"
Also, think about the fact that if a man were that insecure- is he really the man for you?  I do understand how this may be a sensitive issue for a man- but they need to have more to offer than just the money card. (and so do you) (but at least it's a good dilemma)

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BobT June 9, 2017 at 8:43 pm

Simple.  Find a man who doesn't need or care more money.

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Jan October 26, 2014 at 6:48 pm

Linda – You really “get” what I am talking about. When you are at our stage in life , finances ARE important – especially when you know you are unable to work full-time anymore. I am guessing that both of us are looking for some financial “breathing room.” In my case, I’m not talking about wanting a 6-month cruise to exotic destinations, but wouldn’t it be nice if the guy planned a long weekend vacation and paid for it? I don’t think that’s too much to ask. In my entire life, I have never had the cash to “splurge” once in awhile. Would love to hear what others think. Perhaps I am missing the boat: my guy is healthy and fit (at 63!), loyal, dependable, fun to be around, forgives my faults, adores his kids and is generous with mine, doesn’t drink excessively or smoke, etc.

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Jan October 24, 2014 at 6:03 pm

Hi Cherry.
Thanks for tackling this topic. But what do you do if you think the guy is WONDERFUL but he doesn’t have the financial means to support you in the long-term? I am on Social Security disability and – while I do have part-time work – it’s not that much. I need to find a guy in his late 50s-early 70s who not only is a good partner, but who isn’t on such a tight budget. My guy has told me flat out that money isn’t important to him. Part of this situation isn’t his doing, as his ex-wife will collect half of his pension. But I won’t be happy living paycheck to paycheck for the rest of my life. What should I do?

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Cherry Norris October 24, 2014 at 9:53 pm

Thanks for your note, Jan.
Great you found a wonderful man. Sorry to hear you’re not financially compatible. You can accept his situation or reject it. Just don’t tolerate it. Basically tell him the same thing … as wonderful as he is, you know you’re financially incompatible and know the relationship won’t work for you for the long-term.
Love,
Cherry

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Linda October 26, 2014 at 6:39 am

I really appreciate this advice. I am mid-50’s. I used to joke and say “What’s love got to do with it?” when he talked about loving me–and my man was amused by that and didn’t much like it I suppose. I explained to him that it is hyperbole. I do love him, but if something doesn’t change within a certain time frame, then I may have to say we are financially incompatible. When you get older, there are so many more things that you must consider, other than love. You can build a life in your 20’s and even in your 30’s. Maybe even at 40. But at this stage, you have many other things to consider: Finances, health, grown children or children in your older age (as in my case), ex’s and more. It is unfortunate that we amass baggage that impacts our choices, but it is reality. Thanks for your feedback. It keeps it simple. I need that.

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Anthia Ashe July 19, 2011 at 7:32 am

Good advice as always. Thanks so much Cherry. Anthia

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Cherry Norris July 19, 2011 at 10:22 pm

You’re welcome, Anthia!

Thanks for watching ๐Ÿ™‚

Love, Cherry

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Eva July 17, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Cherry,

once more…fantastic video/ great advice…. My only question is how would you adjust the above “that indescribable something that tells me we’re a long term match” into something that tells the guy that you’re not into him romantically but you’d like to be friends (meet up to do activities together/talk…be friends).
By the way Cherry I’m sharing your video advice with my roommate (Roksana) and we both love watching your videos and than talking about them…
Looking forward the next one.

Eva & Roksana

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Cherry Norris July 18, 2011 at 12:35 am

Thanks Ladies!

I’m thrilled you love watching and talking about the videos!

The simple adjustment is to do exactly what you mentioned …

Tell the guy you’re note feeling the chemistry, but think he’s great. Then ask him if he’s willing to be friends and hang out. Some men will. Some won’t. It’s worth asking the question. I’ve made good friends with men I wasn’t romantically attracted to!

See you soon,
Cherry

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Carly July 16, 2011 at 3:17 am

That is great adviceยก, but how do you break up with someone you have a relationship with? i’ve been with my guy for almost 2 years, and i just don’t feel it anymore, is not gonna happen. and i just dont know what to tell him.

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Cherry Norris July 16, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Hey Carly,

Thank you for your note and question. It’s a good one! I will answer it in an upcoming video!

Have a great weekend!
Cherry

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Kat October 24, 2014 at 1:26 pm

Carly, I would like that advice too. My relationship has been 2 1/2 years and I have tried to save it for the last 6 month but I it just isn’t working. I am looking forward to that video!

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Jozie July 15, 2011 at 8:23 pm

Thank you so much for this advice…
LoVe it!
J

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Cherry Norris July 15, 2011 at 10:29 pm

You’re welome, Jozie!
Thanks for tuning in ๐Ÿ™‚
Love, Cherry

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Holly July 15, 2011 at 11:58 am

That’s great advice. I joined an on-line dating service and have been going on first dates with a lot of men. They all seem to like me, but I don’t really seem to like them. I was wondering how do I tell them. This is a very nice way to tell them. This way I say what I mean, but I don’t say it mean.

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Cherry Norris July 15, 2011 at 5:42 pm

That’s right, Holly. You got it.
Thanks for your note! Have a great weekend ๐Ÿ™‚
Love, Cherry

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Eva July 17, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Holly,
it’d be nice if you could share with us how using the above “Tactful way to let a man know he’s not right for you” works on your dates. Pretty much if you can tell us how man react to it…etc. if they take it well..
thanks for sharing

Eva

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