When “Life Happens” & He Suddenly Disappears …

by Cherry Norris on October 5, 2013

When you first meet a new man, it's great when everything's going well.

Especially if he's calling you daily and even refers to himself as your "boyfriend."

That is, until tragedy strikes.

When "life happens" in your man's life and throws your relationship off course, it can leave you feeling uncertain of where you stand.

Today's video gives you a fun, fail-proof tip on what to do when a crisis hits and your man stops calling.

It's hard to know what to do if a tragedy occurs in your man's family and his attention turns elsewhere.  What to do in a situation like this?

Let me know what you think in the comment section below.  Look forward to hearing from you.

Thanks so much for tuning in!

Love,

Cherry

{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Mindy October 9, 2015 at 3:42 pm

This is such great advice, Cherry–especially the bit about "not burning a bridge that doesn't need to be burned."  Thanks for all you do!

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Lisa October 9, 2015 at 11:16 am

I like this one,I just send a text to someone today about the same thing .lt 

had been about 7 mo. And all it has be is text messages .i think I was passed 

time to move on .What do you think Cherry did I do the right thing.

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Tina November 2, 2013 at 8:56 pm

Great answer, Cherry! Don't text to end it, even if it's tempting to tell him off for leaving you hanging. Just go on. I've seen the "disappearing" guys show up again later.

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Anne November 1, 2013 at 4:53 pm

I am thinking along the same lines as BB.  There is no way to know if the father's heart attack is even real, and given his total unresponsiveness it sounds like the guy wanted out but didn't want to say that directly.  After all, she can't get mad if he is taking care of his ailing father.   Maybe he truly cared for her and just got scared, but for whatever reason he is not relationship material in the foreseeable future.
 

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lucy November 1, 2013 at 4:48 pm

hi Cherry, i met this amazing man but he says he can't marry me because his family does not approve. what should i do?

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Cherry Norris November 1, 2013 at 5:26 pm

Lucy, if a man lets his family make his decisions for him, he’s not much of a man now, is he?
If he doesn’t want to marry you, then it’s time to move on.
Love, Cherry

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BB November 1, 2013 at 4:41 pm

I was also called by the friend of my date to tell me that he had been in car wreck and couldn't make it that night as we had planned. Of course, I felt horrible for him, sent my best wishes and did something else.  A day later I learn that the whole thing was fake. 
I never hung around to find out if his karma worked on him!!!!
Move on!

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Eva November 1, 2013 at 2:00 pm

This a great advice, but I feel it's kind of hard to follow. As women we need to have closure on certain things and we can't be fully commited to dating new people if we feel we have unfinished bussiness with out past. 

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Zoe October 9, 2015 at 3:35 pm

Eva, I don't know why you would need closure, more closure then this it is impossible. The man calls you "his girlfriend" on one side, and then he disappears on you and doesn't even bother to say "something". That's closure. This man is too busy to give you 60 seconds to explain himself. The message is: I do not care if you live, die, or else. That's closure enough for me. A man who does that to me, is out INSTANTLY. 

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Tina October 11, 2015 at 8:39 pm

Hi, Zoe, I'd rather have the closure, too. It's inconsiderate to run away and hide. When I've ended it in the past for closure, the cowardly lion of a man has taken the opportunity to blame it on me. Now, I'd bear with the uneasiness so that the man wouldn't have me to blame it on.

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Tina October 11, 2015 at 8:41 pm

I meant to address that reply to you, Eva! I do agree with Zoe.

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Theresa November 1, 2013 at 12:52 pm

I too just had a man "poof" disappear with absolutely no dialog for closure. Such a bizarre way to end things but I agree with the writer above that when guys do this they are just not relationship material, move on as hard as it is sometimes…

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Kathleen September 23, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Hi.  I was house sitting this weekend and my rrecently returned boyfriend Has been indicating / revealing his exclusive interest in me/ us again but very differently.  He is also in the midst of his x wife being informed of him going thru a bankruptcy which he had been dreading for well about two years. We live in neighboring states which brings him here twice or more a month and I am dealing with my catching up responsibilities.  He his two lives separate and seldom communicates while he's home w his children, whom I've spent last Christmas and New Years with.
i  read to him from the Power of Now, I don't think he took it well, asked me to stop reading and tha it was too deep…. He indicates non interest in this growing department in various ways.  I then announced I would go walk the dogs and let him rest.  On my path back to the house, I saw him driving towards the exit, he stopped. His belongings were in the car, he said sorry but he just needed to be alone before this week.  I asked if he were going to fly back today, he didn't know, just that he had wanted to leave.  I later wonders it he would have communicated w me afterwards, there wasn't a note.
Later I texted him, I got the 'it's not you it's me. Take care'.   I texted back, ' that's what I say when I know I can live without someone'.

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Kathleen September 25, 2012 at 2:18 pm

He just really needed time alone…. He's going thru so much this week.

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Asel June 12, 2012 at 12:32 am

Hi, Cherry,
thank you so much! I am having the same situation and it's like you read my mind. A wonderful advice! =)))
Regards,
 
A

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Katelon T. Jeffereys June 10, 2012 at 11:45 pm

What I heard the woman say in her question was that he referred to himself as her "boyfriend", not calling her his girlfriend without asking.  I do agree though that a strong connection should be able to weather life's storms, even if it is to say…I need to take care of these things right now, thanks for your support, I'll contact you when I feel able to connect more again.  Since he didn't do that, leaving him space but also moving on, feels like the right move.  A text saying " this is over" would seem confusing and really not worth it, as he isn't communicating.

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Lorene June 9, 2012 at 8:09 pm

I wouldn't burn the bridge. First, she might regret that, then send an "I didn't mean that message" and waste heart energy that way. Second, the less said, the more room for him to wonder. It doesn't sound like he's a guy to count on when the chips are down, though.

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Toni June 8, 2012 at 9:12 pm

People operate on their own timelines. I think it's really important to give men space, and recognize that whatever they are going through is not personal (i.e. it's not about you). I agree with Cherry's advice–the best thing you can do is take care of yourself and not wait around for this guy to call. If he calls, great. If not, move on. But bottom line, if he doesn't call, it most likely has nothing to do with you. I can say from personal experience, losing a parent can be an earth-shattering event and everyone needs time to grieve and recover in their own way and in their own time.

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Ella June 8, 2012 at 8:57 pm

this is the thing about men i will never understand, they tend to vanish into thin air for – most of the times – no reason at all! cowards!

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Tiyana December 10, 2012 at 8:47 am

So annoying…

Then, if you get the chance to confront them about it later, & they don’t even seem sorry about their cowardice–or worse, thinks “being friends” is a suitable solution…

Um, no. Obviously you don’t care enough about me as a person to be honest about your feelings; plus, you basically just lied to me calling me your girlfriend then treating me as a ghost of relationship past. Why the hell would I call you my friend???

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Chris June 8, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I disagree – I wouldn't leave the door open at all. If a man refers to you as his girlfriend, but doesn't turn to you at any time during this time of crisis for support, emotional or otherwise, then he's not mature enough to be in a relationship in the first place. You don't exclude your partner when bad things strike. He may need time and space, but if he hasn't returned a phone call or text to even say he needs that time and space and appreciates her thinking of him, and promises to get in touch again soon, the 'girlfriend' thing was clearly not true. Don't keep hope alive – move on!

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Newcomer June 8, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Hi Cherry
You're advice seems right on.  I was thinking a red flag about this man before the
father had his heart attack was, "…he refers to her as his girlfriend."  That says he didn't ask her officially to be his girlfriend and assumed her into the position without consulting her.  
That is some one who could be immature, self-centered or thoughtless.  If a man were to do that to me I'd say, "I'm so glad you feel so connected to me but I would feel best being asked to be your girlfriend."  Then either he will ask or get angry he had to put himself in a vulnerable position to ask me.  Does that make sense? A man will be respectful of my feelings and ask.  A boy will will want to pick up the toy when he wants to and drop it and run off to play somewhere else when he gets distracted.
Also life is a part of relationships.  If the relationship only works when things are going well and the couple is living in a fantasy bubble and "pop" life comes in the relationship falls apart, it could also have been a rather shallow relationship. She can be happy he moved on or can't reconnect.  At some other point they may have hit a bump in the road and he falls apart – that's not a good choice for a partner.
Thanks 
Mpls.

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