When He Doesn’t Call Like He Says He Will …

by Cherry Norris on December 12, 2013

'Tis the season!

I don't know how you celebrate the holidays, but often the "happiest" time of the year can be fraught with stress!!

All the expectations.  All the hopes and dreams.

All the beliefs … thinking things should be a certain way when many times they're not.

Just like when you meet a new man.

It's easy to feel hopeful when you catch his eye and smile,

Then he crosses the room excited to meet you!

So when he gives you his card and asks you to call him, naturally you do.

Afterall, you're a woman of your word.  And you respect his request.

When you reach him, he's busy so he says he'll call you back that night.

Well … tick, tock, tick, tock.  It's late and still no call.

Not at all what you expected.  Not at all what he lead you to believe.

Do you take his not calling as a big warning or do you give him the benefit of the doubt?

Today's video gives you a fun, fail-proof tip on what to do when a man doesn't call when he says he will.

It's frustrating.  You want a man you can count on.  You want someone who does what he says.  But before giving hi the  'ole St Nick boot, watch this video first!

Thanks for tuning in and in the comment section below, let me know what you do when a man asks you to call … or if he doesn't call when he says he will.

Merry, Merry!

Love,

Cherry

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Marie December 13, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Another great video!  Trying to navitage this situation as we speak and could really use some help.  I was getting to know this Guy after meeting him at a speed dating event.  He was very attentive and made it a point to tell me that he was going to select me.  My Leo ego was thrilled by the attention he was giving.  When he reached out to me by email, he told me to call him.  I told him that I don't call Men and as much as a Modern Woman that I am, I still have some old fashioned beliefs, and that's having a Man call me.  At the time I couldn't remember Dr. Pat Allen's suggestion to respond to a quetion like this and I don't remember what you said so my response was the best I came up with.  By his reponse, I could tell that he didn't like what I said and stated that when he and I talked on the phone, we'd have to discuss why I don't call Men.  Although I no longer speak to this Guy (With him I felt that I had to defend my values and beliefs too much and felt that I was not being valued).  Personally,  I don't like when a Guy will wheel you in by pursuing you, then expect you to take the Lead.  That bothers me.  So no, I don't call Men. I have them call me.  Although I spend more nights either alone or with girlfriends because I don't call Men, I am fine with that.  In my 20's I used to call Men and it always got me the Man and companionship (at the moment) but never a true meaningful relationship where I felt cherished, provided for and protected.  

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Ninah December 14, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Hi Cherry,
Thanks for your great advice.  I have the opposite problem. I chatted with a man from a dating site once on the phone after 6 e-mails.  I realized that he's desperate by the tone of his voice and other things that he said.  I'm not.  I told him we weren't a match.  Now he's plaguing me with 6-10 e-mails/day telling me how perfect he is for me.  He obviously has my phone number, so I'll expect calls sometime soon.  I'm not answering anything that comes from him. I've marked his mail as junk and am seeing if I can block his phone calls.  However, he reminds me of a stalker I met a few years.
You'd menentioned in a pervious call to tell him that I can't wait to marry him.  Believe me, he'd take me up on it if I said that!  He told me that he's totally invested in me.  After 6 e-mails and one call?  This guy  feels dangerous.
 Any suggestions?
Ninah

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Sophia July 19, 2013 at 3:30 pm

Hi Ninah,
So sorry to hear about your unstable guy.  To help get rid of him 1. send him an email to stop emailing and calling you, print it out and save it. Then block him from your email. 2. You can block him from your phone number – go through local phone company. And if he continues to call or get to so keep a detailed journal of time, place, how often, what if anything is said.  If you need to go to the police you've already created a paper trail.
Do you have his phone number still in your phone log? If so write it down, get his address and possible hire a lawyer to send him the threat of a restraining order – it may be under 100.00. In this way you are armed, protecting yourself and lets this guy know you're serious to get rid of him.
Good luck and be safe!
Sophia
 

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Jasmin December 14, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I get this so many times – and it used to annoy me incessantly. However, whenever the men call back eventually, I always give them the benefit of the doubt after I've heard their explanation. My girls say that I'm too soft-hearted – but I don't think I am. I just listen to them when they apologize and explain about some kind of sudden situation they had – work, an extra project, or something along those lines, and I say "Alright – it's okay." And I never had men getting mad with me like I've seen with my girls since!

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lola December 22, 2012 at 2:36 am

I think u are giving urself up, men have no right  to act out, they have to show respect

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Julia December 14, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I love how you can help us laugh at ourselves – and the things that sometimes get us so worried and upset.  :)

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Marcia December 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I recently met a man who also pursued me into a parking lot. He called five times over the course of two weeks, each time when he said he would then poof! I waited paitently for 10 days and he called when I was busy. I asked him whether I could call back and he said yes. I called when I was finished with what I was doing and we had a very nice conversation. He apologized for not calling me when he said he would, explained what happened (busy with work, travel, etc.) and said he was glad I accepted his call. He even said he was surprised I did accept his call. I told him I understood and appreciated his apology and added how nice it was to speak to him again. Now he's back in the dating pool. By the way, he's 22 years younger than me and HE thought I was only about 7-10 years older than he is. He is still interested. 

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Sally December 14, 2013 at 12:10 am

Yay ! Marcia

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Fauzia December 14, 2012 at 6:23 pm

I prefer to get a call from a guy than to call him. I figure if he -is- interested he will reach out to contact me. There is nothing worse than waiting for contact from someone who said they would call, and then not hearing from them! If I hear from him – then I know he's into me. I don't wait around anymore – this has simplified my process immensely. It cuts out any wondering, or pre-occupation with a new guy. When I don't hear from a man, I move on. This is a new thing for me, BTW, I used to agonize about not getting calls. Now I just focus on those who WILL show me theiy are interested.
Thanks for your advice and videos – I love them!

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Newcomer December 15, 2012 at 1:45 am

Hi All
And thanks for your videos Cherry!
I don't call men.  Most who ask me to or want me to text basically are looking for women to chase them and build up their egos.
This video is tricky as it's hard to know anyone's intentions.  However, if a man specifically says I'll call you tonight or may I  call you tonight,? And the woman says yes, in my  mind, he's made a contract.  He also (with or without knowing it) asked you to reserve time for him. If you did and he doesn't call, to me that equals a stand up.  He doesn't follow through or honor his own contract.  That to me is  a red flag.  Yes he could be testing but my thought is this, if a man doesn't want to put his best foot forward from the beginning, that is his choice.  It however is also mine to only accept the men who put their best foot forward and don't expect me to watch their behavior to make sure they behave.  It sort of feels like a lack of responsibility on his part.  
 
I also think perhaps if you want to see or speak with a certain man again who didn't call, he can stay in your queue of men but he gets the spot he reserved, the last spot.  The more a man doesn't follow through the lower he goes on the queue and men who follow through and treat you well move up.  Either he'll pull himself together or drift off. This way you are honoring yourself and how you wish to be treated. And a man who isn't worthy won't suck up our time or you won't get invested in some one who doesn't give back.
 
Just my thoughts
Thanks
And best wishes to everyone – HAPPY HOLIDAYS

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linda December 14, 2013 at 5:07 pm

Newcomer,
Perfectly said! And I couldn't agree more! 
And, If you want a guy who leads, also, there's no point in leading him around.  I have had hundreds of men that show interest, but they don't often follow through.  I have to admit, I don't have a lot to choose from because I agree with your principles — but I am OK with that!
 

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NeddaJoy December 16, 2013 at 4:00 am

Linda,  I agree.  and plus…. we only need ONE. lololol
 

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NeddaJoy December 16, 2013 at 3:59 am

Newcomber,  I lufffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff the way you think. xo

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Elizabeth December 15, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Hi there!
I do like you said…I wait and am pleasant when he finally calls.  However I am not always so readily available.  I too like and am now encouraging the chase.
I luv hearing you and reading your advices.  Be well and Happy Holidays! ~ Elizabeth
 
 

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sue December 15, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Great video and couldn't agree more with the above comment. Woman must learn that at the time of uncertainity, not being called by a man means that he gives you an upper hand. He had doubt and if he doesn't recognize your virtue, if you trust you've done and been all your best, that's his red flag, period. No more questioning who's calling whom. The frustration feeling is your problem, not his, because you set up a higher expectation about him obviously. When you frustrated, go getting your own comfort, your friends, splurge yourself, the frustration is going away, I guarantee. The upper hand means you have time to keep looking, and if he gets back, you are still reviewing who he is, you aren't a cheap sale on the bin to get picked up for a convenience. When he gets back, you listen and find out what's going on. At the end of the day, you would want to fall for his character, not his insecurities. Dating is all about decision making. Can you imagine if he's already made you restless and upset on his chance to impress you, what you would feel down the road let alone if you spend the rest of your life with him. True, a man think differently than a woman, but in all good spirit, a good man also knows when he sees an opportunity no matter how busy he is, he has a conscience that he can't stand to pass you over on the first, second chance, if he doesn't, you're fine, he did not and has not taken anything too valuable from you. Remember the principle: 1) people only want to see what they want to see and 2) Life is full of abundance.. The universe will let you roll to a better place when you truly trust it.

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Diana December 16, 2012 at 1:54 am

I like what Fauzia said about moving on.  And I like what Newcomer said about a man honoring his contract with you, by reserving your time.  Combining the two, I now completely cut off from any man who does not honor his contract with me and move on.  I pray that one day I will meet a darling man with the integrity to say what he means and mean what he says.

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Donna January 7, 2013 at 1:48 am

I haven't read all the comments above so maybe I'm duplicating something. I did read the one from Marie who said "I don't call men." I don't either but I word it differently (to men) and it seems to work wonders. If a man gives me his phone number, I say (while taking a pen from my purse and turning his card over), "Thank you so much, I appreciate your interest, and it would make me really happy if you would call me instead." During or after saying it, I write my contact info on his card, and hand it back. I don't have to say, "I don't call men," which might sound confrontational. 

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Judy January 12, 2013 at 10:03 am

Thanks for your comment Donna.  I like your idea alot – that sounds so much nicer!

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Florence December 13, 2013 at 10:44 pm

I agree.  I might say," I feel more comfortable when you call me."  …….and SMILE as I'm handing him my card.  (If that is my truth of course.  I feel it really important to be authentic, rather than to follow a formula.)

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Lauren March 7, 2013 at 4:05 pm

" "However, if a man specifically says I'll call you tonight or may I  call you tonight,? And the woman says yes, in my  mind, he's made a contract.  He also (with or without knowing it) asked you to reserve time for him. If you did and he doesn't call, to me that equals a stand up.  He doesn't follow through or honor his own contract.  That to me is  a red flag."
 
I completely agree with this statement from Newcomer.   'Even if' something suddenly came up and the man was unable to keep the phone call 'date', then it takes 5 seconds to txt an apology, such as, 'I'm really sorry I didn't call last night…this is what happened…can I get a re-do?"  or something to that nature.   It is rude, disrespectful and a game, in my opinion.   We teach people how to treat us, and if we settle for scraps then scraps will be the best we can expect.   

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Jordan June 7, 2013 at 9:13 am

I have been seeing a Mariner (Merchant Marine), he has phone reception about every 4 days.  He used to call everytime he had reception, now he sends an email every so many days.  In knowing how busy he is – I give him the benefit of the doubt.  The true test will be when he's landbound for 4 months.  If he holds true to his word, then I continue to wait & see him, if he doesn't – he's history.  Too many men – too little time to play games…..
Love the advise…

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Newcomer December 13, 2013 at 6:54 pm

Hi All and Cherry!
Thanks for the video. This is the second time I've seen it and my thoughts are the same. Yes, it's great the six second smile worked! But as soon as he gave her his number that put her in the male/masculine role of chasing.  That would have been a good time to say, "I don't call men but you may call me" and give him your card. Or  simply say – Thank you I don't chase men but here is my card if you wish to call me." And then see if he can follow through. 
Best of Holidays to All!

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Florence December 13, 2013 at 8:35 pm

I feel it is very important to make it clear what we feel and desire to experience, in relationship to other people.  I would let him know IF and WHEN he calls that I felt unhappy when he didn't call as he said he would, because I like and need verbal integrity in my relationships, and I would share what verbal integrity is to me—–doing what we say we will do or communicating about a change of mind.  And then I would ask him if he is willing to relate this way.  And then I would be quiet and listen to what he says.  If he expressing caring about his not calling and is willing to do what he says or communicate a change of mind, great!, keep going AND see if he does what he says!!!!   If he says he isn't willing to relate this way, I wouldn't be friends with him or date him, cause it will probably happen again and do you really wanna live with this?  I don't.  I would never be happy with a man like this.  Let me know what you think about what I just say.  Thanks.
 

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