When He Won’t Communicate

by Cherry Norris on August 19, 2014

Dawn is a lovely women who's been seeing a man for two years.

The problem is communication.  

Seems every time Dawn wants to talk about their relationship, her man goes radio silent.

Fed up with the situation, Dawn left.  Well sorta.

At least five times she told him good-bye.

At least five times she said, "if you're not going to talk about our future, then leave me alone and don't call me again."

But her man always ends up coming back without anything ever changing.

Today's video gives you a fun, fail-proof tip on how to get your man to open up when he clams up.

Thank you so much for watching and in the comment section below, tell me what you do when your man goes silent and won't communicate.

Much love,

Cherry

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Jeff March 15, 2013 at 10:52 am

Mostly I think a man is unwilling to do relationship talk because they fear that they would be put into a situation were they feel they now have lost control. Being a man myself there have been several situations in my life were I have expressed my feeling to a woman and then later felt as though she used those feeling to manipulate me. Or the other case of the chase is now over so why should she put in the effort.
Best advice is you go first, you tell him how you feel about him. You might have to do this a few times before he becomes comfortable. Next mention to him that it is important to you that you understand were this relationship is going.
If after that he still won't open up about it, it is really time to think about moving on you are  with a very selfish man and there are much better ones out there that want to love you.

Reply

E March 15, 2013 at 12:39 pm

I agree with Jeff.  I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist and he'd never commit even though we were engaged.  He could never explain what was wrong until I realized that he was really selfish and could not develop deep feelings.  So in a way he did not undertsand himself even but he never wanted to read any books on self development nor get help.  His loss.

Reply

Maria March 15, 2013 at 3:31 pm

Good advice Jeff, thank you for providing your male prespective.

Reply

Cherry Norris March 15, 2013 at 8:16 pm

Thank you for your male perspective, Jeff!
Love, Cherry

Reply

Julia March 15, 2013 at 3:20 pm

Seems to me if a woman has tried to break it off 5 times her gut is telling her something is wrong and she could do better.  I believe women know deep down if the man they're with is The One or not.  I was in a very unhealthy relationship with an emotionally abusive man who kept 'sneaking back' into my life when I would try to break up with him, so that part makes me concerned.  If he can't respect boundaries there could be something wrong as well.  I think our female intuition can be trusted… and then we need to stand by our boundaries.  The right man will want to commit AND he will respect us!   :)  

Reply

Maria March 15, 2013 at 3:30 pm

Excellent video today Cherry!  Great topic!  I am in a 1.5 year relationship with an amazing man I adore, but I feel we are a little stagnant.  Every time I want to bring up the topic of 'where we are going', he shuts down, and this frustrates me so much.  He is going to medical school plus holds a job, so his schedule is very hectic.  His reason for not talking about the topic is that he is overwhelmed with school and work, and doesn't even have time for himself, much less talk about such a serious topic.  I just don't know how to navigate through this, but I want to move forward in our relationship and take things to the next level.  I will approach the topic using your tips.  Thank you!
 

Reply

Cherry Norris March 15, 2013 at 8:15 pm

Excellent, Maria!
Let us know how it works!!
Love, Cherry

Reply

Ziji March 15, 2013 at 5:57 pm

I continue to LOVE reading these tips, Cherry, because they are so specifically addressed by you in such a short and digestable sound bite.  THANK you for that.!!  I have never beenin a true LTR with a man..it's all been STR, and mostly by my desire though there have been a coupla heartbreakers too.  I'm reading all your tips and learning so much about how to handle different situations in a mature way that meets both party's needs. Again, a multitude of THANKS and BLESSINGS on your gifts to the world of the clueless beings who desire true relationships that can actually work. Growing up, I heard so much arguing and ws so frightened in my environment that I'm sure that's why I AM the ONE who has been commitment-shy. Now, BECAUSE of YOU, I am learning what I need to even THINK about moving forward.

Reply

Cherry Norris March 15, 2013 at 8:14 pm

Good for you, Ziji!
Thank you for your note.
Love, Cherry

Reply

Kim March 15, 2013 at 7:45 pm

If my man wouldn't even discuss our relationship or where it's going, I have only myself to blame if I break up with him and he "sneaks" (really? he sneaks?) back into my life. If we're not on the same page about things that are important to me (or to him, for that matter), it's time to move on and find a partner who CAN and WILL share those things with me. Why is this so hard for some people to figure out? Personally, I'm not wasting my time trying to get something from a man who either doesn't have it to give, or doesn't want to give it to me. Ladies: You are worth so much more than this kind of relationship or this kind of man; why do you keep putting up with it?  :o)

Reply

randy March 15, 2013 at 7:47 pm

I have the same thing wtih Women – it's not a male/female issue.  Some people whether men or women just don't have the skills to share their feelings

Reply

Florence March 16, 2013 at 12:43 am

Men can't deal with frantic women energy for sure, so I have learned to be relaxed and open and curious about where they are at around stuff—-and accepting of what they say.  So when I call, I say "is this a good time for you?",  if 'no', then I ask when would be a good time.  I don't use the 'talk' word either.  "I want/need to "TALK" to you….."  That alone sends them running for the hills.   Men seem to get very scared of the idea of 'talking'.  So I just do it…….call and say,  "am I catching you at a good time?" and have a relaxed conversation about whatever I want to talk about.   I do usuall ease into it as well.  Start a light banter, how are you, what you doing, etc., then ask the deeper questions I am curious about.  Amazing how it works, and how it doesn't work when I am NEEDING to talk, right now!  : )
 

Reply

Bee March 16, 2013 at 7:10 pm

As always, I love your videos, Cherry.   I like your sense of humor too.  Sometimes… I just gotta laugh a little, at myself too… LOL

Reply

Loretta March 18, 2013 at 12:18 pm

I have found the best way to talk 'about the relationship' is to not mention the topic.
I simply say, "It would feel so good to talk with you when you have time. I have some feelings that I'd like to share with you. When would be a good time to talk?"
Then, share your feelings. On no account criticise or make him wrong. Let him lead you toward good-feeling feelings! If you are sharing that you feel uneasy, ask "Can you help me? Do you think there is something we can do together to make this better?"
Better still, always begin such a conversation by expressing your feelings of appreciation for the good things he brings to your life. This will warm his heart and it gives him motivation to work on any problems that you're having.
 

Reply

Cherry Norris March 18, 2013 at 3:54 pm

Thanks, Loretta!
Love, Cherry

Reply

Judy August 22, 2014 at 2:07 pm

I have found that men do not like to be "confronted" on the spur of the moment as they enjoy time together as warm relaxing moments and also prefer to spend a different time in talking on special things, not mix the times together.  So, by asking when is a good time, or saying would like to set some time (say 4 hr) on a certain day to just talk, gives him time to think and be ready with his feelings..  Men feel backed in the corner when sprung on them without expecting it..  You get alot more quality talk when set time aside….  I also suggest taking this talk out of the warm environment of home, in case you hear something you don't really like as no left behind hurt…  and if happiness comes from the talk, then do future talks there…   I also feel, men think women already know what they are thinking, feeling, and why they don't say it…  but women need to hear the words as well….  but….  actions can speak louder then words…

My man is younger, age is no problem.  He gets so close, opens up and talks on his feelings, then will back away for a lil while.  He is shy in opening up, been very hurt before as I have been, so we do need this lil time to reflect.  Then we come back together stronger in the relationship…  Patience is so difficult for me, but am finding, it helps in building our relationship…  I have tried going out with other men, but find he is so worth "building" this relationship with him…  Time will only tell…..  ty Cherry for all your videos…

Reply

Annon August 22, 2014 at 2:25 pm

Hi Cherry – thanks for your videos.

Personally this guy sounds like a huge waste of time!  If he's been left 5 times and HE KNOWS it's because she wants to talk about the realtionship, won't and weasles back in – he's a very selfish man.  My thought is if he's shy: tough!  If he's feeling attacked – tough!  Two years is a long time to invest in anyone who refuses to communicate over an issue that clearly one of them is in a lot of pain over.  The way he choses to handle his side of the relationship: not talking and then trying to get back in her life says he DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HER FEELINGS and is not a fit man for her.  He is not acting like a man – taking responsibility for where he's at and telling her. He can't or won't give her what she needs, offers nothing else and wants to keep the relationship on his terms.  He sounds very immature, obviously fears commitment and there are other fish in the sea!  He could even get a high that he can get her to take him back – his ego could be stroked by being able to manipulate her and that could be enough for him?  Clearly, I don't know either person but two years is long enough to know if some one can meet your needs – he won't – Goodbye! He has every right to take his show on the road to torment some one else. Leaving a man 5 times over the same issue is enough for him to know what she wants.  He places his feelings over hers and to me, doesnt seem like a protective man.  The best men will protect the woman – even from themselves.  He needs tough love – to really get rid of him and keep him away – date others ASAP and tough love on yourself to be able to evict him from your life once and for all. Leave him alone, keep him away, tend to yourself and needs, date others.  If he choses to grow up and come back at some point and it's real, you can take it from there.  But only he can grow himself up.

Reply

Uschi August 22, 2014 at 2:29 pm

I am 60 was married twice and have only learned a lot of things after my 3rd relationship went bust. A  great man but he didnt know how to do relationships, cheted on me and basically put me on the street after we lived together for over 9 years. He too couldn't talk and kept everything inside. I wish I had seen this years ago. Thing is I am now looking but it seems there are not good men out there my age.

Reply

Margaret August 23, 2014 at 12:10 am

Men are too much hard work!

Reply

Anne August 29, 2014 at 3:32 pm

Thanks for the video, Cherry, and for the male perspective, Jeff. One thing that I didn't quite get in it was this: when the chase is now over so why should she put in the effort. I've always thought that when the chase is over – giving that it's usually the man who is chasing the woman – it's the man who thinks that why should he put in the effort anymore. 

In my own experience and looking at the experiences of my friends with men who don't want to talk about the state of the relationship is, that they are getting something that they need via the relationship – sex, caressing and so on – but don't want to commit to that particular woman, nor do they want to loose the benefits. So they are enjoying them till they find a "better" woman. I wouldn't necessarily call that kind of man selfish, or then 90% men are that way. It's appartently not easy for a man to be totally without a woman, so at least he needs to have something. No pun intended. 

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: