When You Don’t Like His Plan

by Cherry Norris on August 26, 2014

CLICK HERE to download DUTY DATING!

I love today's question because the exact same thing happened to me.  I even wrote a scene about it in my movie, DUTY DATING!

It's soooo great when a man you like calls and invites you out.

It's not so great when he asks you to do something you don't want to do … like meet him at the restaurant when you rather he picked you up.

You're not his buddy.  You don't want to be his "friend."

You want him to be a gentleman and treat you like a date.

Today's video gives you a fun, fail-proof tip on how to guide a man to please you while having him think it's his idea :)

Tune in now to see what to do when a man doesn't meet your romantic expectation.

Thanks so much for watching and be sure to leave a comment below telling me how you guide a man to please you without being his "Mama" and telling him what to do.

Enjoy!

Love,

Cherry

 

{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Kamilla March 29, 2013 at 11:27 am

How do you explain the difference from the guy being your friend and not your boyfriend ?
 

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Donna March 29, 2013 at 2:22 pm

Hi Kamilla,
If you read my post I just sent, you'll see I tend to be direct. One of the reasons is that it's who I am as a person, so I may as well just "advertise" it right from the start. If a man doesn't like "direct," he won't like me I guess. I have learned how to be "feminine direct" rather than "masculine direct" (in work and in dating in fact, and my business is thriving because of it as well! Even in business men prefer feminine women.
 
Anyway, if a man asked me out and I wasn't sure if he was asking as a friend, or a date, I would find out. It happened before. A man I was getting to know at dances I attend asked me to go with him to a BVS (Boston Vegetarian Soc) event, since we are both vegetarian. Because of the nature of the event (not just me and him alone) and the way he asked, I didn't have a clue what his intentions were. Maybe he didn't either, ha ha. I said, "Yes I would love to go." (firguring I would go either way, as a friend or a date)
 
He offered to pick me up (a clue it was a date). So then I asked sweetly, with a smile, "Is this a friend thing or a date?" He said (so cute), "What would prefer?" I said I'd prefer a date. He said, "Then it's a date." I like clarity. Men do too actually. They want to be successful and if they are sure you will say yes, they will usually be clear with you. Have fun Kamilla!
my best, donna

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Cherry Norris March 29, 2013 at 8:07 pm

Hi Kamilla,
The difference is you normally don’t want to kiss your friends :)
Love, Cherry

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Donna March 29, 2013 at 2:09 pm

I'm a little more direct and it seems to work out fine. The sort of man I am looking for is one who is interested in pleasing me, so I like to "test it out" once in a while. If a man asks me to meet him someplace, I thank him for inviting me out of course, then say, "You know, it would make me really happy if you pick me up." Most men say yes and are happy to do so. If he says no, for whatever reason, it's a big red flag for me.
 
For the record, I have so many dates lately and I'm getting asked out so much, it's really fun, and I thank you Cherry for all your tips, I think they are really helping. I remember a video, way back, about not being able to keep all the men straight, and I thought, "Jeez, I wish that was my problem." And now it is, ha ha! I got an email yesterday from someone I met at a singles event and I don't remember who he is. So embarassing. But if I gave him my email I'm sure I liked him! So now I have to email back and either hope it will "click" with me as we email (and talk on the phone), or wait till we meet because I am better with faces than names. Or just say right up front, "I"m sorry will you refresh my memory who you are." I can even say what I said here, "I'm sure I liked you if I gave you my email, but my brain is not pulling up the "file" that goes along with your name, ha ha." Something like that. Any tips for me? 
 
Thank you Cherry! You are the greatest!

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Cherry Norris March 29, 2013 at 8:12 pm

I love it, Donna!
Conrats on your juggling many men!!
Humor is always a great ice breaker when you forget who a man is.
I often blame my memory faux pas on CRS disease! (Can’t remember shizzle)
If you own it, he’ll usually appreciate it!
Good luck,
Love, Cherry

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Alexandra March 29, 2013 at 4:38 pm

Hmmm… I am always worried about safety issues. In the past, I have always met him at the restaurant. I mostly do it because when you are just getting to know someone, or have never met (online dating) you don't really know whether the date will be a success or not. What if you want to leave in the middle of it and oops you road with him? Okay, so you take a taxi. Or what if he decides at the last moment to take you somewhere else than you had previously discussed? Or what if he turns out to be a bad person–meaning psychopathic? Am I overly worried about these situations? Should I stop watching Criminal Minds and let go? Any advise would be welcomed! Thank you! :)
 

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Cherry Norris March 29, 2013 at 8:04 pm

Thanks for your comment, Alexandra!
If you don’t know a man of course meet him out first.
Have him pick you up when you feel safe and want to feel like his date.
Love, Cherry

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Alexandra March 29, 2013 at 4:39 pm

*rode with him? Sorry about the error!
 

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Molly March 29, 2013 at 5:34 pm

Cherry:  Thanks for this one.  I have had this happen, too, and never felt
comfortable "meeting"  my date.  Never realized how to handle this one until I
saw your video.  Thank you, Cherry!
I love your videos and advice…….helpful to me…especially now at the beginning of
what I feel is a superb romance.
 

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Cherry Norris March 29, 2013 at 8:05 pm

Thanks, Molly … and Congratulations on your new romance!
Love, Cherry

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randy March 29, 2013 at 10:33 pm

i'm a guy – that is stupid – tell him what you want – i would never date a woman who is not direct in what she wants – it's a sign of imaturity and poor communication skills – i'd never want to be married to a woman who can't easily express what she wants to me.  too many games
and in this day and age – get off your throne and meet the guy – for god's sake – it's just too people meeting for dinner – 

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Katey March 30, 2013 at 3:12 pm

I have some questions for Cherry. 
If a man does NOT offer to pick me up regardless of what I say or do; does this mean he definitely views me ONLY as a friend and NOT as a potential girlfriend?
Likewise, will a man ever offer to pick up a woman from her home even if he only views her as a friend?
Katey

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Diane April 8, 2013 at 4:06 pm

Hi Cherry!
You are the Goddess of dating! Love your clips!
 
OK this jus t happened to me this weekend! We had a great first date on Thursday and he wanted to see me againon Saturday, but he wanted me to drive to his house which is 35 min from mine!
 I said that" I would feel more comfortable if he fetched me"
. He said  it's 2013!"
I said " Yes it is, and I m old fashioned and that it feels good when guys fetch me…I like being the girl"
He went on about "what is my real reason for not driving……
 
Hummmmmmm I didn't want to argue and he said that he didn't want to drive down and "go out" as he  was having a cash flow issue.
I said it doesn't matter, I like his company and we could just go for a walk…..
 
What do I do with guys like this?
 
Blissfully dating,
 
Diane  : )

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Meredith April 11, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Hi Cherry,
I just watched this video and what comes up for me are safety issues with dating.  I do not think it is safe to have men pick women up for dates unless the woman has a significant history of already knowing the man.  It is very easy for instance for a man to lock all the doors in a newer car from the driver's side door which would not allow the woman to escape from the car and could potentially lead the woman into a very unsafe situation.
Since most dating these days seems to be internet focused, I believe it is only safe to meet a new man in a public place during daylight hours.  I do not believe it is safe for a woman to get into a car with a man she does not know for at least a month or two to go to a restaurant in the evening as this video demonstrates.
I just wanted to give you some feedback in regards to safety issues.
Thanks so much for the wonderful work that you do!
Sincerely,  Meredith

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Nicole June 15, 2013 at 6:20 pm

Hi, 
I think the situation is different with dating European men. Rarely would someone come and pick you up. I live in Austria and the dating habits are just horrible here or non-existent. I can tell you that the same is in the Netherlands and Sweden where I also lived. Not mentioning the fact that very often you go Dutch, splitting the bills I mean, even on the first date. Women don't value themselves high enough ( I am not an exception) – kissing is on the first day, sleeping could be also on the first or third date…
I dated all sorts of nationalities, including American in Europe, who have been infected by the European dating men virus. So, forget about being picked up. What I did more recently was to send a web link on how to behave on the first date to the guys that want to date me so that least I could avoid picking up the check. Even in this circumstance you are asked to drop by their house on the second day, as they have allegedly cooked dinner for you ….So, they are into cheap dating. With kissing doesn't always work like that, especially if you already met in a club, bar and there is a high likelihood that you already kissed to there. In any case, if you don’t “return” the favor or another – you are single. This happened to me – smart, gorgeous, well educated and financially independent 38 yrs old woman…
Bottom line – if you don't want to be single, accept all sorts of unmannered behavior of your European man. Sad but true.
Cheers,
Nicole
 

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Audrey August 29, 2014 at 4:39 pm

Hi Nicole,

Sadly I used to be in the same boat as you in believing I had to fit in and tolerate the mass behavior until one such man I knew changed into such a gentleman when meeting the right women. Curiously I studied this to see what had reinforced this and to my amazement I realized the following: you teach people how to treat you buy what you allow, what you stop and what you reinforce. Since that realization I have been putting that into good practise and hey presto it really works. Good luck!

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Goldberry August 29, 2014 at 1:31 pm

I agree with Randy — even though I'm a woman, this kind of "read my mind" conversational manipulation usually drives me nuts.  Why not just say "I'd rather not *meet* you there" instead of "I'm not comfortable meeting you there", which has so many other possible interpretations?  Plus the implication that the guy is clueless is pretty obvious if you have to go so far to avoid the issue!  "You can't read my mind?  What is wrong with you?!"  Let's be honest and acknowledge that there are many reasons a guy could suggest meeting you there other than his being a complete lunkhead.  Dating guidelines and standards are many and various in these latter days.

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Ms. Xochi August 29, 2014 at 3:44 pm

Hi Cherry, 

I always had men pick me up and then the dating changed with texting and what not so I did get into the habit of meeting and I don't meet anyone I'm not feeling safe around. However, I have done this with the last few dates and it works! I value what I'm worth, regardless of who he is and where he's from.

I actually now have a Swedish boyfriend who is amazing :). However, he's such a homebody that he's only picked me up once! I'm going to "caress, express & address" this so I'm not feeling resentful. It's a new relationship. Thank you Cherry for all your tips, programs and videos. I know I could not have gotten this far with my current boyfriend if it wasn't for your help! Merci! 

Blessings

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CC August 29, 2014 at 4:32 pm

Hi Cherry, 

love your videos and it looks like you have such fun making them.  This ine was great – I love how your teaching us as women to negotiate successfully in our relationships no matter what kind they are!  Wish I had this skill 30 years ago:)

Thanks

CC

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Lisa August 29, 2014 at 7:11 pm

For me, it depends how well I know the man. I actually prefer to meet a man at the date location for the first few dates until I feel comfortable revealing where I live and giving him my address. After 2 or 3 dates, I'll usually give him my address and he gets the message.

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randy August 29, 2014 at 8:46 pm

As a man, I would reject a woman who plays these types of games.  Honest straight forward communication is important.  Say what you feel.  And women, it's not the 50's.  You can't have it both ways.   Picking you up came out of the days when a women had no car and her own income.  We are equal now.  Act like it!   Get out of your fantasies and empower yourself with equality in a relationship!

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Christy September 3, 2014 at 2:45 am

Hi Cherry,

I've been dating a man for a couple of years. It's great most of the time, however, I wish he would call me more often. He is not a call-every-day-type of a guy, which is ok, but it would be nice if he called regularly 2-3 times per week. We see each other nearly every weekend. How's the best way to approach the subject without coming off as too demanding?

Thanks!

Reply

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