Oops! You Had S.E.X. Too Soon …

by Cherry Norris on January 29, 2015

Oh dear.

It happens.

Even when you know better!

You promise yourself you won’t have s.e.x. with a new man until you know his plan.

You won’t give him your body until you’re sure he’s ready for a commitment.

Then oops! In the heat of the moment, you get carried away.

His touch melts your resistance.  His kisses set you on fire.

Before you know it, instead of saying “no” you say “yes” to having s.e.x. too soon.

We’ve all been there.  Fortunately, it’s not too late to turn things around even if you feel you goofed!

Today’s video shows you how to require a commitment after you’re sexually involved with a new man without pushing him away.

Enjoy and in the comment sextion below, tell me what you do to turn things around when you’ve moved too far too fast!



{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Joana February 13, 2015 at 2:44 pm

Thank you, Cherry! I love the fun and lighthearted way you teach such meaningful and deep tips. I have just been to England to meet a person I got to know online. When I got there he told me he was left-handed and his mannerisms were quite delicate and effeminate. Despite all this, he treated me very well and on day 2 kissed me. I melted down and, perhaps because I haven’t had sex for a year, I eventually got in bed with him. I kept my promise to say no to “in & in”, though we did other things which are very intimate. Now that I am back in my country I feel very connected to him, but I am not sure if it is due to my bonding hormones or because he treated me so well. When saying goodbye I cried my eyes out and asked him why he had initiated sexual contact and he replied “because I like you”. Is he in love with me? I don’t even know if I am in love with him.


Widowed hopeful January 30, 2015 at 5:53 pm

Ladies don’t do what I did. I have dated losers for 6 years.

See I was afraid to ask what their plan was! The last man I dated 7 months. Then he told me no he never wanted long term as he doesn’t want a child (I am widowed with one) around!

Guy before 2 years and atill wanted to date around!

Then someone who went back to his ex wife!

And more and more heartbreak.

Now I am alone and working on myself. I’m not dating anyone.


Marcia January 30, 2015 at 4:13 pm

I’ve attempted to submit a question but A-Weber is not accepting my captcha. Don’t know what to do so here it is…I met a widower who is 15 years younger than me at his wife’s funeral. He has been asking me out (this started about six weeks after the funeral). Although he has stipulated that we are just friends and we only hug, he has given me several gifts, flowers, helps me with occasional chores and otherwise showers me with more attention than I’ve enjoyed since I was widowed five years ago. It feels wonderful but I know he is still grieving and yesterday he said he didn’t want to hurt me and he knew that he’d been sending mixed signals. I told him that I understand how vulnerable he must be feeling and that I know we are ‘just friends’ with no expectations.

How long should I continue to spend time with him? Is it possible the relationship could become a dating relationship with longevity, exclusivity and commitment?.

I continue to duty date and currently see several gentlemen none of whom floats my boat like the widower. Help please!


Beverly January 30, 2015 at 3:10 pm

I enjoyed your comments. However, I have never known a man to say outright that he is having sex with other women. They just don’t admit to that if they want to keep you around. So, I think the approach is to after some time, talk to the man about your vision for the relationship that you want…”I know that the relationship that I want involves getting to know one another, having fun together with common interests, and being monogamous as we move towards a deeper commitment to one another. Do you share that vision? If not, what is your vision of a good relationship?” This allows him to respond hopefully, honestly without feeling pressured.

Thanks, Beverly


Bren January 30, 2015 at 2:52 pm

So if after having had sex, you ask him these questions and he doesn’t want a commitment….one just ends it…..and another question….you say never talk first…give him 6 seconds and if he doesn’t approach me…he is nit interested…I don’t know about this..went to a party…liked a guy there, did the 6 sec thing…he looked, nothing. He stared back, but soooo shy…nada. Then another Katy approached him..he was so happy…he talked with her the whole time….so WHAT ABOUT A VERY SHY GUY….


Bren January 30, 2015 at 2:53 pm

Shud read another lady not Katy….sorry..ipad does this….


Cherry Norris January 30, 2015 at 11:23 pm

Thanks Bren,

If after having sex he doesn’t agree to these terms, keep seeing him, but stop having sex until he does. If you smile at a man for 6 seconds and he doesn’t respond, he’s not available. If a man seems “shy” he may want a masculine woman to take the lead. That’s what works for Katy. If you want a shy guy, take the lead and go speak first. Keep in mind, you position yourself as the “man” so be prepared to invite him out and and pay. Got it? Good!



Molly May 4, 2013 at 6:17 pm

Many thanks for this.  I did luckily obtain a commitment BEFORE
we had sex and it has made all the difference in how I feel and act
around him.


ema May 4, 2013 at 2:27 pm

HI, i have to disagree with this. It is pushy. He will run. He wil think you are nuts – all this time and you suddenly decided you were wrong to have sex without commitment! Leave the sex out f it. One day when sitting around and talking, just talk about both of you,let ift come around th the topic naturally., what your hopes for the future are, what his plans are, if any. No pressure, no asking for commitment, just find out if he wants to marry one day, have children, if he has a life plan or not, etc or just stay single and travel….Nothing wrong with letting him know you woud like to settle down one day with the right person. You do not have to say you think he is the right one yet. See what he says. Get an idea of how he is thinking. If he is not thinking of settling down, you might say you would like to expand your field of opportunity, and date more peope at one time, ( and keep dating him)but you would not add sex to your other dates or that would be promiscuous, but you will expand dating. If it upsets him, he might leave thinking about it! if it does not, and he is fine with it, you have your answer. your answer might come in time, not right away. men get jealous   . he might start to chase you more. relax and see what happens. if you want to push him away, ask for commitment!!


Nicola May 3, 2013 at 2:37 pm

I asked my guy to see me once a week and he couldn't commit to that. We had the monogamy talk. Sadly he got spooked and didn't want to commit to me or a relationship. Note to self slow down next time, oopsy daisy!


Cherry Norris May 3, 2013 at 3:32 pm

Great note, Nicola!! 🙂
Love, Cherry


Lorene March 17, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Truthfully, Cherry … since you asked what we thought! …

To me, a month’s waiting is plenty of time to start relations. If he’s calling every day a couple months later, he’s probably on track unless he’s one of those weirdos who will never marry no matter what. I can see her wanting to know. But starting out saying “I had sex without asking if you had a plan” would make me feel like I was nothing but a marriage target if I was a guy. It would also make me feel like I’d better give the right answer or give up the nookie. And some guys, given that, will give the right answer to keep the good times going.

My own recommendation would be to ask him, maybe on a hike, to say, “Not to put you on the spot, but what would be your ideal relationship? … You don’t have to answer right now.” That way, he has time to think, just like she has. He won’t feel so cornered.

Just my opinion!


Ziji May 3, 2013 at 11:57 am

Nice, Lorene!


Cherry Norris May 3, 2013 at 3:32 pm

Hi Lorene,
Thanks for your comment! It’s not about the length of time you know a man, it’s really about knowing his plan before having sex. Just b/c you both may want marriage, doesn’t mean you’ll marry each other … but at least you know you’re both headed in the same direction. To ask him about his ideal relationship doesn’t mean he’s gonna answer it thinking of YOU. This way you’re taking better care of the man’s feelings than your own. Just my opinion!
Love, Cherry


Colleen March 16, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Hi Cherry, Thank you for your astute insights into the dating world and helping me get clarity around issues with dating and men. However, I think it useful to say in this last sharing that women need to know that should they decide to ask the questions you pose to the man, the man may take a hike. That’s not a bad thing, as he would not be a man of character if he walks…but women need to know this may require saying goodbye to the relationship…there are consequences to all actions; positive and negative. I think it’s important to clarify that grief may follow.


Cherry Norris May 3, 2013 at 3:27 pm

This is true, Colleen!
If a man’s going to leave b/c you require a sexual commitment, see ya bye!
You want to know sooner rather than later if he’s gonna stick around.
Less grief with less emotional investment!
Love, Cherry


Ziji March 16, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Hi, Cherry

I love all your sharings on the subject. Today’s sharing is particularly
potent, as it gives women the chance to turn things around or bid
adieux. I love that in life all has the possibility of shifting and changing.
We are only stuck with our habits, and it’s truly up to each of us…with a little help from our online mentor..you! Many thanks, and all the best to
a woman who offers the best to all.


Shoshi March 16, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Hi Cherry,

Thanks for your advice. It’s great!
And I love the way you dress: the colors, so feminine and yet not too revealing….
Thanks also for the tip of: do you have clothes from the 1990’s? After reading this question, I went for shopping and I can say that I definitely have a new wardrobe now 🙂

Have a wonderful weekend.



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