Why He Disappears …

by Cherry Norris on March 3, 2016

Finally!  You meet a new man.

He's attentive.  He's courting.  He seems interested.

You're carefree and enjoy his attention.

You go with the flow and don't add any pressure.

Then after about 4 months, just when you thing everything's going along swimmingly, POOF!  He disappears.

It's so frustrating.

So confusing.

WTF happened?

Was it something you said?

Or does it even have to do with you?!?!

Today's video gives you fun, fail-proof reasons why a man disappears.

Okay … this is one of my favorites!  I think it's fun, but in all fairness, I must warn you:  This video is NOT for the faint of heart!

Thanks for watching and leave a comment below tell me what you think happens when a man suddenly disappears for no reason.

Enjoy!

Love,

Cherry

{ 58 comments… read them below or add one }

Kathryn March 1, 2017 at 6:29 am

The one time someone "ghosted" on me or stood me up, was back in the early 2000's. I was kind of seeing someone slightly younger than I was, and I think he was just too darn immature, though he was only 3 years younger. I was 23 and he was just 20. We originally had agreed to meet for dinner at the place I worked at, on my day off…and the silly kid stood me up, which broke my heart because I was kinda crushing on him.

So, yeah, if the guy wants the real deal, he'll find a way to stick around, despite any apprehensions he might have.

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Gina July 15, 2016 at 1:56 pm

Omg! Your videos crack me up but they make the point. I had a guy do the same to me. He did tell me when I pushed that he is having problems with the baby's mother and he was depressed and overwhelmed. He backed off and I did too because I saw he wasn't ready. I have had a time dating and I figured I need help. Thank you for your videos. I don't feel like a weirdo. 

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Carol March 6, 2016 at 8:16 pm

OMG Cherry, you are hilarious!

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Ren March 6, 2016 at 5:04 am

Hi:

I dated a guy I met online on  PO_ in April 2015.  We went out a couple of times, text frequently for 1 month.  Everything — mental, emotional, spiritual, physical connection — was just there "without trying".  He told me he was going to a MD conference returning May 5, 2015.  He returned one text on May 2, 2015; read 2 dating site messages from me on May 14, 2015.  We never talked since.  I met him at age 38; he was 32 — no sex.  Is ghosting common now with online dating?  In Oct '15, he posted a FB picture — his her hands with wedding rings — no facial pictures on that account.  It took me from April'15 until mid Jan '16 to finally let those hurt feelings go free.  I have been online dating – going out / no sex – multiple different type of guys since Jan 1, 2016.  I am having a fun filled social life without sex!! 

Ren

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Angela Davidson March 6, 2016 at 11:37 pm

Hi Ren

From my experience of online dating for 3 years and talking with others, this has been a very common occurrence.  For the men, it's like a kid in the candy store.  And he wants to lick the lollipop.  So he has so many options for him to get sex and that's what they want.  Of course he will not tell you that. 

Until the women stop giving it for free, online dating has become really tough. 

Also, there are lots of imposters on these sites. 

 

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Camille March 5, 2016 at 5:03 am

Hi Cherry,

If a man disappears, I feel the breakup was the blessing!

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fran March 5, 2016 at 3:56 am

hmmmm.  Your video was very good, Cherry.  I have learned from a recent one who disappeared on me to keep my eyes and ears open.  Underneath all their charm, they give you glimpses of their true character.  When they do – believe them.  I learned to take it slow and to check if their action matches their words.  How do I feel around them and how they are treating me and what are they really saying.  I learned to speak up.  I do know that if they come on so strong in the begining – not good for me.  I've also learned to refocus my love back on me so I could say "next" and do the closure for me.

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Carole March 4, 2016 at 7:23 pm

Enjoyed your video, Cherry….the slurpy scene is funny, but true.  Thing is, it does take time to really get to know a person before it's "commitment time".  It would be nice if a man (or visa versa) would be candid and say the real reason he or she decided to exit.  If there is no actual commitment or future plans, I assume the man is uncomfortable discussing the reason, especially if it is a criticism of the woman & he doesn't want to hurt her feelings.  Could be the man is just not ready to take it to another level and it is about him being relationship phobic.  Or maybe the man is simply a player and he is bored since the newness has worn off & its time for him to move on.  If there have been "red flags" flying before he disappears, then it is probably for the best & he did the woman a favor by not getting the woman's hopes up & he leaves sooner than later.  Maybe he did meet another woman he wants to date.  If that is the case, he is obviously not the one for you.  Recently I had a very heart wrenching experience with a man I suspect is a Narcissist & he started out pursuing me. In the beginning he stated he was looking for the "right one" and missed married life.   As soon as I agreed to go out with him, he began pulling away after he made it to first base and I started falling for him.  Once he had me reeled in, he started becoming difficult and argumentative.  He seemed to want me in his playing field, but made excuses not to spend time with me unless it was a last minute, late night hookup i.e. "booty call".  After several months of his bait and switch game, I called it off.  His response to me was, "so sorry".  Then he asked me if he could borrow some money.  When I said no, he attacked my character.  I was very confused and hurt because he kept sending mixed messages but he was clearly not interested in spending quality time with me & only into playing games.  It has been some time now since we parted company.  I feel pangs of wanting to be with him still, but I know he will only mess with my heart and my emotions, so I stay away.  This kind of man is not someone I trust, so I let him disappear for my own good.  In other words, it is in the best interest of a woman if the wrong kind of man disappears.  Like you said, Cherry, the right kind of man won't disappear.  Good advice 🙂

 

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Regine Carney March 4, 2016 at 4:00 pm

Hi Cherry, I think that as women we should impower ourselves with knowledge.  The knowledge of the mindset of a man.  I believe that women should be direct in a loving and sweet way when they meet a potential suitor. I believe in laying out my requirements right up front.  And when I do this in a manner and time the man is usually responsive.  I tell him that I want a relationship where a man is emotionally, physically (he like this SEX),and  mentally synchronized with me.  This however, takes time.  It requires time for him to get to know me on the emotional and mental levels.  The physical is the easiest and why it should be the last to be explored.  Just sayin…..

 

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Regine Carney March 4, 2016 at 4:04 pm

And if he still disappears, then celebrate the knowledge that he wasn't the one for you!!!!!!  LIke Dr. Phil says, once you realize at 30 days  there is a problem, shame on you for being in that same situation on day 31!

 

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Prettieststar March 4, 2016 at 1:18 pm

i have had this happen many times.  I think they just don't see long term with you. It varies why.  Often it's a financial thing.  I find men who are in their 40s and 50s want someone who has a lot of money and availability which both are tough when you are a single mom to small children.  Then too the men I have dated always have issues such as sexual issues, impotence, unsure of their sexuality, health issues, and sometimes other issues or they have children that don't blend at all with my child as their child is violent etc….

 

i I stopped dating.   I'm tired of heartbreak. This is worse then my husband dying.   

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Clare November 15, 2015 at 12:45 pm

I find it so interesting that some men you meet online seem like such nice guys, they mostly do everything right, and agree to or ask for an exclusive relationship right away. And after a bit of dating, you find them becoming distant and all of a sudden they are busy having dinner with "friends" or planning trips or doing all manner of things without you, and you notice there is no trace of the two of you on Facebook as a couple. Is this a case of a man compulsively unable to stop himself from meeting other women? It's happened to me twice now (I ended things with a guy the other day because we were supposed to be an exclusive couple but he didn't include me in anything and was treating me in a very casual manner), and I'm tired of it. A man with secretive behaviour is a deal breaker for me.

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Mary August 18, 2015 at 9:21 pm

4 months is a long time for no explanation it seems terrifying! I saw a man I met online for 5 dates, he is 46 and I am 34. But from the start I knew he was flaky, I mean it took 6 months for our first date because he would email me but not asked me out just like  the previous post, what are you up too? look at my new pictures..etc; After 4 months he finally did but he disappeared and never followed-up. Recently I emailed him and we finally went out, we hit it off, saw each other 3 times that week and got intimate on the third date. He went flaky again, but I asked him out and we saw each other twice that week, but after that he said he was busy that weekend and if I was free next week on Monday. When I followed-up with him in a text on Monday, he never responded! I thought it was rude, I'm not heartbroken as I am not in love but I thought he's just not emotionally available and not in a good place, busy, whatever..at least it wasn't 4 months. 

Thanks for the video it was very helpful

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Janice March 21, 2015 at 4:06 am

Hi Cherry,

LOVE your positive videos, with such GREAT, and realistic advice for dating and relationships! You make me smile, laugh, and feel good….Thanks so much!!!

 

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Scarlet February 22, 2015 at 11:34 pm

Dear Cherry,

I became a fan of your practical advices on dating and your videos:)

Yes, I dated a guy and we had a great time.    He asked me out again after our few dates to have lunch with him on one weekend.  But that Weekend, I have to work and he stopped asking me out since then.  He disappeared for a while. I felt confused.  But, I have a great event at my work and invited everybody, and he came and he took me to dinner after and told me, hope to see you soon again but after that he disappeared.  I don't know if he got intimidated of my position at work but he keeps in touch with me every now and then per text or email.  But he just don't ask me out.  He ask me what I am doing but if I ask him how he is, he never replies.  It is very frustrating and sad.  any advice?

 

Scarlet

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Louise November 16, 2014 at 1:05 am

@ Sarah February 2013 – I don’t think you were needy but I do think you were chasing a guy who clearly was not interested. How old is this guy anyway, he sounds like a baby. A man is direct and honest. As another poster pointed out I would not waste any time wondering whether he will show up or not. Better luck in future.

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Elen November 14, 2014 at 10:50 am

And this why it’s never a good idea to date only one men, I think women, like men, should keep their options open instead of becoming too attached to the one guy.

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Tina June 7, 2014 at 8:29 pm

The slurping was funny enough, but the belch was a beautiful finishing touch.

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Marisa June 7, 2014 at 1:01 am

Love your videos, very funny!!!! I really enjoy them…
It is so clear and so true… thank you Cherry! Knowing a man's way to act is a sure way to self-proteccion for every woman.

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Angela June 6, 2014 at 12:38 pm

Hi All
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us.  Love the video made me laugh out loud!!
The challenge I seem to be having is meeting men that I feel attraction for.  I feel like I'm so  particular. 
 
 
 
 
 

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Singlegal June 6, 2014 at 12:04 pm

I think it can be many reasons as Cherry pointed out.  Men are very sensitive to things we say where we are more casual about talking.  Some don't want a commitment.  Some leave after sex.  Some don't feel they are winning with us or can long term.  Some are boys and not men.  It hurts very much when this happens.  All we can do as women is to try to spot the type that might disappear before attaching our hearts and then avoiding them.  I have left a man after many months as I saw they were not for me long term based on character flaws or a vibe.  As a woman I talked with them about it. 
 
Men just disappear as they don't like any drama or display of strong emotions.  It's easier to disappear.  
 
It is also possible the man meets someone else.  I have had countless men state we were dating exclusive only for them to accidentally ask my friend out online or I see a Facebook post of them cozy with another woman.  
 
Me I am widowed and I hate the agony of opening my heart, body and soul only for the man to disappear or it ends but it's part of the game of finding Mr. long term MAN.  I rather it happen during dating than he is not a strong partner.  My deceased husband was a strong partner and I will wait for a new man like this.  It's worth it ladies.  Hugs to all of you.  

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kts January 27, 2014 at 2:37 pm

I wish someone would answer KH's question from January 16, 2014 because I want to know the exact same thing.  Thanks.

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laurie March 2, 2014 at 8:50 am

Well, I'm no Cherry Norris, but I'll give it my 2 cents worth.  Often, we women are faster on the emotional readiness of a relationship.  It's easy to get ahead in our hearts, and want a relationship result:  ie Me +' _____' = Marriage….oh, and _____ is any reasonable male. We get it when a used car salesman is stringing us along with an agenda—and so do good men. 
If men are dropping off your radar regulaly, it might be because of the vibes you are putting out. Just 'being' and receptive takes patience and practice.  Cut yourself some slack, and some time. What is is you want from being in a relationship?  Authenticity, Patience, Tolerance, Positive Attitude, Trust, Security, Love—grow within us first, and can only be appreciated from others–not garnered.
Peace

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KH January 16, 2014 at 5:39 pm

Hi Cherry! Love your Videos! (I often share them w/ my bff! too). Very frustrating when a man disappears ! I just wanted your input on a scenario I've seen happen over & over again!..The Disappearing Act (of a VERY desirable Man) because of Another Woman. This seems to happen with the men I date for say a month or two who I guess are still in the single/dating phase. Several times, I have found out the reason behind their disappearance (w/o any explanation/ contact, of course!) They chose ANOTHER woman to be their official girlfriend (published publicly over facebook, of course, etc.)–last time it happened he married her! (not me). How can I BE the one who WINS!!?? Very frustratingthat  it's always the very desirable men who I really want for my one & only! (over the dreadful duty dates I see on the side that I am left with after the disappearances!) Very frustrating to the see the cream-of-the -crop highly desirable men slip right through my fingers w/o being able to grap/ hold onto them!! Then they are off the market (which for me at my age, doesn't have many desirable options left ;( ) Also seems these other women are getting heir guy (officially) in a very short amount of time–WHAT'S their secret!!!???? Please help..thank you, Cherry–love you!

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Ashley August 16, 2015 at 10:08 am

Good question!!

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eileen November 20, 2013 at 3:56 am

So what if he poof diappears after almost 3 years? We talked about a future, looked at houses, etc.
Still hurting after 6mos of no closure…
Eily

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Annonymous June 17, 2013 at 7:45 pm

In this why he disappeared blog it seems to me a lot of these guys are the commitment phobes but, my question is what if the woman was? There is a very sweet young man who has been chasing me for years. He finally got me to go out with him in December after I gave him every reason not to bother. We hit it off and then things got crazy. I'm paranoid, I look at how everything could go wrong so I can leave right away with out investing in a man. I'm a workaholic, work and accomplishment makes me happy so, I got petrified when I noticed that he makes me happy. When he tries to hang out with me I reschedule a lot. He's  currently going through family issues now. He confronted me about my pessimistic attitude and inquiries. His honesty and gentle way of putting me in my place shocked me. So much so that I want to change, I don't know how to show him that I love him though. I can't try to learn how to commit myself if he's disappeared for the past month. I warned him that I have a hard time trusting. He feels that I treat him like other men. I feel that If my own father abandoned me, what are the chances of someone staying with you when they aren't even related? I've always told myself that I'll be that independent woman with out the need of a man. Now all I feel is love sick. I miss him, think about him all the time, I want to help him and I'm afraid that I messed up big time. I guess this is my karma for being a man hater. I'm a generally nice person, a wonderful friend but a lousy mate. I don't know what to do except wait things out and focus on what I can do in myself. 

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Molly March 29, 2013 at 5:42 pm

Cherry:
If a woman just goes along with a man….that does tell me he does not have to
work to keep up her interest.  There are many reasons a man leaves…but one
also has to use their intuition…..that is key.  If you really are honest and go with
your intuition…….he just won't leave in 3-4 months as you both should  have
talked and talked about your needs, wants, etc.  If he is truly into you it won't happen.
Weed out the "commitment phobics" early,very early in the game.

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Gee March 1, 2013 at 10:14 pm

Sarah – Hope it's OK with you if I give an opinion on your situation, too.  I would do everything I could to let go of this relationship – don't torture yourself by imagining if/when/how he might "come back".  It's not clear how 'there" he was in the first place, and keeping yourself from contacting him is still a (one sided) emotional involvement.  I'd go out with friends, flirt with all kinds of men you encounter, and take a little time to figure out how to develop parts of yourself that will nourish you.  The best antidote to feeling needy is to build on your skills and interests.  I think it's how people develop confidence that's more independent of how a new man treats them. And spend lots of time with the people who already know how great you are.  Best of luck.

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Sarah February 24, 2013 at 1:45 am

I was dating a guy for a month. He was great and last time I saw him (6 weeks ago) he gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek and said we'd catch up soon. The next weekend I scared him off (good old hindsight!) by pushing to catch up, he said he'd text later in the day but didn't. The next week I text him and he said he was tied up for the next week. At that point alarm bells should have been ringing and I should have backed off immediately, hindsight again! Instead I did what a lot of girls do and the next week I text him trying to rectify the situation by apologising for being too keen and asked him to be straight up with me if he didn't want to see me again. Again no response! I text last week to say I'll leave him be and to get in touch if he ever wants to catch up. Now I know I was too keen and came across needy so my question doesn't relate to that! What I'm wondering is if I back off completely which I have done and he realises down the track that I'm not going to get in touch, might he contact me again? If we'd had an average time together I wouldn't be asking this question, and I know it was very early days but sparks flew! If he feels like he's back in control of whether he wants to see me again rather than feeling pushed into it, might he reappear? He's just disappeared! 

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Louise April 10, 2015 at 1:41 pm

As another poster said, you were chasing a man who is clearly not interested. Also you don't contact someone to tell them you will leave them alone (while obviously secretly hoping they will contact you to validate you). You just leave them alone.

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Chk61 February 22, 2013 at 12:19 am

Met a man online who POOF'ed after five fun, fabulous dates where we had wonderful, effortless chemistry.  Unfortunately I was really starting to fall for him (and perhaps he sensed this) and now I have to pick up the pieces while it appears our time together meant very little to him.  On our last date he was attentive, romantic and everything seemed fine.  Maybe things got too intense and he wasn't ready for a relationship so he bailed.  I emailed him after a week and he responded right away and then disappeared.  Stupidly, I tried one more time a week later..same thing..disappeared and left me hanging.   It's sad that by disappearing so rudely, he is basically burning a bridge which to me means, this is OVER wiith a capital O.  I know I should feel relieved that it happened after only five dates instead of 4-5 months but I'm still feeling very discouraged about dating when I can be so misled by a charmer.  And at 50, I'm no spring chicken but he certainly played me for a fool.  🙁

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Vicky January 13, 2013 at 7:41 pm

This is so true!!!  I love your videos and wish I could invest in your other materials.  (I'm trying to save up).
It is so frustratiing to me that it seems like the man has to call all the shots.  That is so exhausting!  : (

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KH January 16, 2014 at 5:08 pm

Yes, I agree..very frustrating that several times, it seems the desirable men I want for myself are single for a few weeks,pick one girl and go on their happy way..meanwhile, we have no choice in the matter…and double-standard..not in reality how easily it happens for us ladies

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UB March 4, 2016 at 8:34 pm

KH- I also found out the guy I was seeing got engaged a week after he disappeared… ON FACEBOOK! The good news was they did not last either and he is what they call a charming roage. I like the advi e about running if the initial chemistry blows you away

 It would have saved me alot of hurt! Good luck!

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Theresa December 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Good video, I sooooo relate. I’m in my mid thirties, successful, fit, feminine, a great cook, no kids and my friends say beautiful. No one understands including myself why the guys I date become infacuated with spending every moment with me, then poof, gone. This last guy lasted two months and the one before that two weeks. I’m ready to quit but I know that’s not the answer. Dating seems so frustrating these days and I find most of these men very self centered…

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winnie February 7, 2015 at 12:11 pm

Aww. I feel the same way. Men just don’t make sense sometimes!

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Alena December 2, 2012 at 1:33 am

Hi Cherry,
Good one!  Poof…..he's gone!  I laughed and laughed. 
Love the videos & the information.:)
Alena

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Irene December 1, 2012 at 5:33 am

Good evening Cherry, 
Thank yoiu for your adorable smile and that positive and cherish time that you are there with us 😉  I just love your video and completly understand "WHY A MAN WOULD DROP ON A WOMAN WHO'S ACTING LIKE THIS"…
WHat a difference does it make between our cultures, our intence, our social & educational levels. I'm a European woman and I know exactly what you mean by showing this perfect example on your video. It's funny, but I walk away from a man who they way he think have a good manners and he's a "real gentlman", but the truth is he isn't and one time it get me very frastrated when I tryed to show him on my own example in a very polite way that acting like he is( slurping, berping, exc.) makes me feel I'm not with the right man at all, period, but he was VERY uPSET AND TELL ME ALL NASTY THINGS  and told me that no one was giving him a sh.. ever before. I didn't say anything after, I just start smiling and walk away for good 😉
I hope one day I'd meet "My Man" and be happy again feeling In Love with a gentleman who would let me feel being a Woman again 😉
 
SIncerely,
Irene 😉

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Toni December 1, 2012 at 5:18 am

Off-topic, but I love your outfit today, Cherry! You're looking splendid. Cheers.

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Cheryl December 1, 2012 at 3:10 am

Cherry!
Thank you for choosing my question to answer! I was so excited and grateful for your reply! You are spot on! And hysterical and so wise too boot (love the slurpee part SOO funny! and true::)! Thank you for the reminder that we may not be in control of why a guy falls for us versus someone else– it could be over something as quirky as that:) haha)  I actually ended up messaging the guy after some time after he did the disappearing act as I saw he glanced at my online dating profile (I met him online). I told him how hurt I was that he disappeared without an explanation as to why. He replied he was 'thinking of me' and asked me to hang out again! (sort of like the disappearing man who reappears..) but it didn't sound genuine to me as I had to contact him to get that reply His explanation for why he disappeared was 'he wasn't sure what he wanted'. ie- like you said: he was not ready for a relationship with me, was just not that into me, or just wants to play the field some more. I didn't hang out with him again, as I knew I'd probably get my heart broken again. There were some red flags when we dated. Even though he seemed eager for a relationship his actions didn't match his words.. and when he said he's not sure about a relationship I got the answer… you're 100 percent right that it's a matter of finding a guy who is relationship ready and wants to be in it for long haul after the 'honeymoon phase'… THANK YOU for your sage advice!

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Cherry Norris December 1, 2012 at 4:00 am

You’re welcome, Cheryl!
Thanks for a great question that everyone could learn from and enjoy! 🙂
You got that when a guy is relationship ready, he’ll stay with you!
Love, Cherry

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Suzanne W. November 30, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Love the Slurpee and burp!  And great advice.  I usually think the guy disappears because I wasn't somehow good enough or what he was really looking for.  But if he's not in it for the long term, it is best to get out quickly.  I also need to know how to do that, as I can tend to stay too long….or until they leave before I do. 

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MizzBond November 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Cherry,
I'm just hysterical here! You are such a riot!  My daughter asked me the other day to pick three people, anybody in the world, with whom I would love to hang out with for a day. I told her, Ellen DeGeneres, Neale Donald Walsch and Cherry Norris. She said, "who?"  Then I just showed her this video and she "got it". I absolutely love your wicked sense of humour – and of course your sage advice. I look forward to Friday's more than ever now!   All the best to you and yours,
Mizz Bond (still laughing)

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Cherry Norris December 1, 2012 at 1:55 am

MizzBond, you have me laughing. Your story is hilarious! Thank you so much.
Love, Cherry

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Suzanne November 30, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Cherry, love u & your cute, quiky attitude! I alwsy get excited when I lknow you have a new video up,,,lol. I really learn alot from them.
In todays video, I didint see WHY/HOW your man, Lorenzo, stuck around & feel in love! (did I miss something?)… mmmmm…..I really wanted tp hear that. 
Suzanne~ 

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Cherry Norris December 1, 2012 at 2:02 am

Hi Suzanne!
He loves my adorable “burps and slurps.” 🙂
Part of loving each other’s imperfections …
Love, Cherry

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Peggy November 30, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Hi Cherry –
I adore and love all that you do!!  Thanks for this great video.  I loved the Big Slurpee segment.  How incredible.  Amy Spencer, who wrote, "Meeting Your Half-Orange" related something to that when a guy she was dating had a "cow" over the fact that she got the big tub of popcorn.  I'm such a movie goer that it's not fun without some popcorn.
Your 6-second smiles work and I am practicing them and practicing to be happy and carefree in my life.  Thank you for this amazing video.
You rock (even if you can blech pretty well…*grin*)
Peggy

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Cherry Norris December 1, 2012 at 1:57 am

Yay, Peggy! You and Amy are my kind of womenn … Love popcorn 🙂
Keep Smiling!
Love, Cherry

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Jasmin November 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Oh – I so feel you, Cheryl. I get that quite a lot and it is totally frustrating.
 
I think that all the reasons you gave are perfectly vallid, Cherry – but then again, all your tips and advice are.
 
I usually have this idea that men disappear into thin air because they may have cross paths with a woman whom, to them, is more attractive. But sometimes the women they are currently dating may have changed slightly without realizing it themselves. Perhaps the way they behave or treat their men may have altered, i.e. they show that they are thinking of commitment, they stop playing hard-to-get and tantalisingly mysterious like they had done in the first stages of dating, so on and so forth.

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Millie November 30, 2012 at 1:25 pm

You are great, Cherry! I love your sense of humor, as well as your sage advice! Keep those weekly videos coming!

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Kia Ulrike November 30, 2012 at 1:07 pm

My man broke up twice in 3 years because I got too comfortable in the relationship. I was playing the wifey role and forgot to contribute to "us" with me, what I stand for, my interests and friends. I think this is very common, don't you? So from time to time I force myself to center myself and pull back just a little, not artificially, but inwardly re-focusing my attention on me.
The other reason he disappeared was that I make very little money, and it scares him to take on two people for the rest of his life. He needs to see that he doesn't have to carry both of us, and that I can pull my own weight That is a new thing for me and difficult. I am naturally a serving person, love to help and nurture. Which is why I offer my healing sessions. I just have to learn to charge for them, which I find exeedingly unpleasant. But if I want THIS man, and I dearly do, he is helping me grow by demanding someone, me, to let go of that stress and apply myself. We always get someone for our own growth anywya, don't we?!
Thanks dear, for all you offer.

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myi November 30, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Kia, I think he must accept you for who you are, not a "money maker", charge for the sessions if "You and only you" want it. You don´t have to apologize or change the things you do with good will.

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Gigi November 30, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Cherry,
Thank you for all the wonderful insights!
One more thought on the disappearing man–he might have problems that have never been shared. When they flare up some men just can't keep up the good front they've been presenting and they exit rapidly before you discover that side of them.
Two years ago, my Darien, CT boyfriend just disappeared after a on and off relationship. I discovered later that four months before the exit, he had lost his job, his retirement, and his future in his industry. It was too much to share the truth with me, and so he just disappeared.
Mmm, I guess liars/posers disappear abruptly–oh yes, we are better off without them!
Gigi

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Ziji November 30, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Cherry–
Thanks for all your amazingly informative videos and the easy way you present to a wide audience!  
Do you think Cheryl should have had that  'talk'  about intentions for the relationship with the man she was dating (before he disappeared)?  I wonder if Cheryl had any sense of changes the last couple weeks of the relationship before the m disappearing act?
 

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Suzanne November 30, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Hi Cherry,
I love your videos. This one cracked me up with your burping from the Slurpee. My problem is my past insecurities keep repeating themselves. When I start to get closer to a man, I begin 'testing' him to see how far I can push him. As if I am determining if he'll stay around for the long haul.
I must really have serious issues! Just lost the latest, greatest guy because I drank too much then blabbered via a phone call, then text all kinds of crazy stuff. I.e… why did he update his dating profile with new pictures? Why did he delete my 'tag' of us in Facebook when we went to dinner. (This one, after I honestly asked him if that was ok. And he said, "A man's gotta eat,")
I've since sent him a text message saying I'd like to talk to him and explain some things. That was yesterday…now….nothing! Am so sad and am really hating myself.
ps…he's a recent widower and I was hesitant to even BEGIN dating him…please help me!
xo Suzanne

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Renata November 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I love your videos!
you are so smart and clever!

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linda November 30, 2012 at 12:43 am

Great video! I think when you 'go with the flow' he is not pursuing you. he doens't have any work to do. something better comes along that peeks his interest he is gone. after listening to you Cherry, and my own questions, I think you have to say no to just going along with the program, being avaialable when he wants to see you, and not making future plans  in case something – someone better comes along…when it does ..poof he is gone

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