Why You Need To Date More Than One Man …

by Cherry Norris on January 15, 2015

As women, we sometimes feel a little guilty dating more than one man.

It’s like we’re being disloyal …

Or leading a man on if we’re not really that interested.

And let’s face it, sometimes it feels downright odd kissing or cuddling or holding hands with different men … even if you’re not having s.e.x. with any!

Today’s video gives you a fun, fail-proof tip on why dating a variety of men works to your advantage in love!

In the process of meeting your man, it’s important to date many suitors … especially when there’s no commitment!

If you’re feeling confused on how to date more than one man, you must see the hilarious romantic comedy,ย DUTY DATING,

This movie shows you exactly howย to meet your man (and juggle many toads) on your road to romance!

Watch It Now!

Enjoy!

Love,

Cherry

P.S. ย Leave me a comment below and tell me how you feel about dating more than one man!

 

{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }

Kat March 1, 2017 at 4:16 am

Cherry,

On one level, I can see your point about dating multiple dudes, but on another level, I really truly prefer giving one guy my time and attention while dating him, to make sure I'm REALLY hearing him and what he has to say.

Secondly, I was raised by a minister dad who NEVER played the field. He went on very few dates with other women, and when he met my mom, that was it for him. Mom never dated anyone else before my dad, and they've been married since 1971. So I suppose the example in my mind was set by them.

Thirdly, I'm the kind of woman who has plenty of other activities besides dating to keep my mind busy. And last I heard, guys like it when a gal has her own life and not constantly chasing a guy down.

Fourthly, a guy has to be confident–and intense–enough to get my attention. There are certain men who have this certain "spark" in their eyes that there's a beautiful, creative soul in there just waiting to be known. If I don't see that intense spark, if I don't see LIFE and PASSION for creative works of ANY kind (including the creation of a beautiful relationship with me), then I'm not likely to go on many dates with them. And it's MUCH easier to see that spark if I focus on one guy at a time.

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Joana January 18, 2015 at 7:54 pm

Hi Cherry! I really appreciate your honesty. I feel I need to see this video ten times so that I can allow myself to do this. I am currently going on dates with a few men (thanks to your wisdom and my dedication!), but I have not yet kissed any of these men. My first instinct is that I have to choose one before I kiss him, but after seeing this video and I am going to try (for the first time in my life) to let kissing happen without having chosen one. I need to try different approaches as I am 39 years old and being so careful with not kissing more than one man has not helped find me a husband. In the past men have tried and tested me in all ways (including sexual) only to leave after a couple of months. I am going to hold out on sex and not give everything to one man before he gives me what I need, and ultimately men really want a woman who respects herself. I have found that your teachings have really helped me present myself to men as a woman of value, who needs to be impressed and given to, and I have found men love this. Men love a woman who respects herself, so in the end everyone wins.

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Cherry January 18, 2015 at 12:32 am

You’re welcome, Tricia!
Happy you enjoyed it ๐Ÿ™‚
To your romantic success!
Love,
Cherry

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Tricia January 17, 2015 at 11:52 pm

i just purchased and watched Duty Dating! It’s Fantastic! I love it! It’s entertaining and very helpful. I will be working the magic into my new social life. Thanks so much for making this film & sharing it with us.
Tricia

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Elen November 8, 2014 at 10:08 am

I agree with Sherri about dating more than one man at the time. The only time one should stick to one man is if he has made it clear that he wants an exclusive, serious, committed relationship and if you feel you can trust him (trust is a tricky one, personally, I don’t think its a good idea to ever trust a man completely) and are on the same page.

I am not looking for a “committed” relationship or marriage, have you ladies any idea how many men in “committed” relationships/married are online looking for a bit on the site???? I do, because I have been online dating for a few years now – part of the reason I do not want a relationship!! Problem is, women make the quest for committed relationship their holy grail so much that they forget to have fun and enjoy their lives!

There are many benefits to dating more than one man at the time:
1 – You are less likely to become too emotionally attached to the one guy and then ending up heartbroken if it ends.
2 – Different guys have different things to offer.
3 – He is likely doing the same.
4 – It’s always a good idea to never put ones eggs in one basket.

Atm I have a few guys on my contacts list, if one drops off the radar, no drama, I can contact one of the others.

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Gee February 7, 2014 at 5:59 pm

Hi all – I wanted to respond to Cathy's post about "getting caught" by  her policeman.  If you've been clear with him that you don't become exclusive until there's an explicit agreement to only see each other, then there's no crime he can 'arrest' you for.  If you want to share with him that you also save sex for exclusive relationships, you can.  If he wants to control whether you kiss on other dates, he needs to ask for and commit to monogamy. This has nothing to do with how many people live in your town. If he wants to control your behavior without sacrificing his own 'freedom', than you have bigger problems than 'getting caught', and will save yourself heartache by ending it now. I'd try to avoid settting up a dynamic early on that makes him the rule-setter and you the errant or obedient child. The beginning of a relationship sets up expectations that are harder to change later. This is a great chance to practice self-assertion and boundary setting – with a calm, pleasant voice and a smile.  You'll learn a huge amount about who he really is by his response, and build your own healthy, inner strength that'll serve you whether or not you keep dating him.
Best of luck, Gail

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julia derek January 8, 2014 at 7:15 pm

Hi Cherry,
I much enjoy your videos and have learned lots from them. I especially like the advice you had to let men lead. Being an alphawoman myself, I sometimes dominate. These days I'm working on being soft and feminine. I must say though that this video is a bit strange. If a woman is looking for a serious relationship, she should ALWAYS be on the lookout for potential dates even when she is dating one man whom she feels strongly about until he shows he's fully committed to her. I live by this rule. However, as I get older—I'm 42—I find it very hard to find marriage-material men who are available. Forgive me for sounding conceited here, but I used to model and still look good. I'm also a trainer and a writer with two books coming out this year. I have lots of friends, both male and female, and I go out a lot to meet new people. Still, I find it extremely hard to find even ONE guy I'm attracted to who's not in a relationship or interested in me back. I believe you can meet men anywhere, so I smile and talk to as many as I can. If I feel even only a little spark, I'm happy to go out with him if he asks me out.  I don't have an impossible checklist that he has to be a millionaire and a super model, but I do need to feel some kind of attraction. At this point in my life, I find it hard enough to find even one available man that I'm even slightly interested in. To find two or three marriage-material men, wow, if only I could!! Only one out of all my female friends date multiple ppl, but honestly she's so needy she has nothing else going on in her life. She needs the constant attention of someone–almost anyone–texting her. I'm not emotionally needy. 
This is why the idea of dating multiple men weird. I mean, why on earth would you waste your precious time on a loser guy just to stroke your ego? Again, at the risk of alienating several women, if someone like me can't find several great dates, I struggle to see how other women can. (Yeah, I know, I'm must be terribly full of myself, right?)
 

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Jane July 16, 2014 at 5:59 pm

Julia,
Perhaps you are more selective in whom you find attractive.  Handsomeness is in the eye of the beholder.
 
You mentioned going out a lot but perhaps you may benefit from widening your social circle.  Try some new hobbies, cultivate some new interests, travel abroad, volunteer.  
 
I am also very selective like you but through being a "Jane of all trades" with varied social interests, there are several interesting men to be found.
 
Good luck.

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Elen November 8, 2014 at 10:12 am

Actually no, I think you are being honest. Anyway, it’s better to be alone than to settle for a bad marriage and to feel lonely in marriage, nothing worst! Enjoy your life!

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Princess June 6, 2013 at 12:31 am

o ya. watched duty dating. about passing the 'driver's license for sexual realtionship, what if the man in question said yes just to get in and then went poof after a heavy sexual rlationship…which ultimately means not ending in marriage. at least we tried. any other interesting ways to make our stand if we want wait for marriage before consumating the marriage? (meaning if he is not agreeable to this, then it is goodbye)

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Molly April 29, 2013 at 4:35 pm

Cherry:
Thanks!   Now I am dating one man and we are doing beautifully.
I followed all your advice and, with obtaining before any sex, his commitment of a lovng,
long-term relationship with marriage as a goal, all is just as I had hoped.
So far: So Good.
Molly

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Cathy April 26, 2013 at 11:13 pm

Or I should also ask.. what should I say if I do get caught?

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Cathy April 26, 2013 at 11:05 pm

I agree with this approach.  I have been trying it.  My main worry is I live in a very small town, and I am constantly looking over my shoulder to see if any of my dates see me holding hands or smooching another man on our way from dinner or something.  How do you get away with this in a small town?  
I am dating two men right now, and a possible third and fourth one next week.  I have been rotating them in and out depending on if I decide there is something about us that doesn't click or goes against something that's important.  There is one I am overwhelmingly interested in, but I never see him since he is a police man, but he asks me not to kiss other boys, but won't commit, so I keep dating others, and seeing if there are others I like.
How do I do this without getting "caught"?

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Cherry Norris April 27, 2013 at 4:25 am

Love it, Cathy!
Embrace “getting caught!” Let the better man win!
Check out the scene in DUTY DATING to see a fun way of handling it!
http://cherrynorris.com/duty-dating
Have fun!
Cherry

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Sally April 26, 2013 at 9:55 pm

Hi Cherry
A friend of mine did this a few years ago.  She met them all on an online dating site. She was seeing 3 men concurrently and one finally raced around to her place and asked her if she would like an exclusive relationship with him before anyone else snatched her up :). She said yes, and have been happily together since.

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B April 26, 2013 at 9:40 pm

Perfect! Exactly! I've met several men recently.  But if I was waiting around by the phone for the first one to call, I wouldn't have met the one who did.  There is a time for being exclusive, but I believe Cherry is right — he needs to earn it.  He doesn't get all my time until we have some sort of agreement that he is doing the same. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

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Wendy April 26, 2013 at 7:16 pm

Ladies, when you search for the job of your dreams, do you interview with one company at a time and wait for their offer before deciding to interview at another employer?  Or are you prospecting throughout your industry for all leads and chances to meet potential clients/employers?  I feel dating is similiar: you are out meeting prospective men, and the most eligible one beats out the competition and "wins your hand."  We don't get sexually involved with anyone until he steps up to the plate and offers exclusivity, and of course he's marriage material or we wouldn't be considering his offer.  It's really very simple once you understand that you are the prize, not the guy, and he has to work diligently to win you.  During the dating process, we have time to evaluate his qualities, morals, values, ethics, compatibility, etc. without sleeping with him. Men will wait for the prize if you believe you are valuable.  The questionable men will fall away because they don't want to work this hard. 

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Cherry Norris April 26, 2013 at 8:24 pm

Love this, Wendy!!
Wonderful analogy and you get it completely! Bravo!
Love, Cherry

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sheri May 6, 2013 at 12:06 am

Wendy,
Well said!

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Terry April 26, 2013 at 5:51 pm

I wanted to add. It's fine to get to know more than one man at a time. Trust is huge. You can become emotionally connected and interested even without the kissing and holding hands etc.
This Is where all the feelings, careful thought, communcation and acting in those thoughts come in or not.  
Things simply won't start out well or with a beautiful exiting goal in mind if we operate in this way. 

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Terry April 26, 2013 at 5:39 pm

Kissing not kidding. (Auto correct on iPhones!)

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Terry April 26, 2013 at 5:38 pm

Florence more than says things well. I honestly think this video needs to be removed. I love your other videos. Choices are key in life but, this is game playing. It has nothing to do with building a good foundation or respecting another individual. 
This is recipe for disaster. How can finding something you won't settle for with settling?
Remember if us women are doing this and men too it condones this behaviour. If we are doing it and then the fellows are free to do it then it takes away the courtship stage. 
Can't have things both ways. I don't take a man seriously if he does this and nor, will he respect us.
Cherry. When you met Lorenzo were you dating, kidding, and holding hands with other men or were you building your relationship and enjoying the new days of meeting one another? 

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Cherry Norris April 26, 2013 at 8:23 pm

Hi Terry,

Thanks for your comment and expressing your view. You’re missing the big picture here. This is not game playing. This is how you keep your options open for the best man to claim you and stop wasting time with men who aren’t serious.

By nature, it’s normal for a man to date several women at the same time. It’s not natural for a woman who is biologically more monogamous to date many men. That said, we don’t want to waste our time limiting ourselves to one man if he’s not going to step up to the plate and ask us for a commitment. Don’t deprive yourself from being open and available to as many men as possible while you’re dating and looking for your man. A man will respect you more and want you more if he sees you’re desired by others … especially if you’re not having sex with any of them.

Yes, when I met Lorenzo I continued to date and other men for 4 months before he moved to the States. No, I didn’t throw it in his face that I was seeing others. I knew it was important to keep my options open if Lorenzo didn’t follow through. (Fortunately for us, he did!)

Hope this helps!
Love,
Cherry

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Marina September 12, 2013 at 1:40 am

I love that you walk your talk Cherry ….I am curious do you still allow yourself to interact with men , say in a flirtatious playful way if desired or feels right now that you are married or are you completely and solely focussed on Lorenzo now?

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Cherry Norris September 12, 2013 at 6:45 am

Of course I still flirt with men, Marina!
Flirtatious energy keeps my marriage spicy for Lorenzo ๐Ÿ˜‰
Love, Cherry

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Monique April 26, 2013 at 4:09 pm

I don't think I have an issue w dating more than one guy at a time but honestly, I find it hard to even find one date, let alone have a few in rotation !!!

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Cici April 26, 2013 at 2:09 pm

Hi Cherry,
I really appreciate your perspective.
I'm a 50 year old widow, and have had many relationships. Some committed, some just "for fun".  Sex is VERY important to me, and I will not settle for a "mediocre" lover. Yet I've discovered I'd REALLY like to get married, again.
In the past I'd generally just have sex within 3-5 dates. I'd have enough of a feel if I really liked the guy, and he had some great quallities, that could POTENTIALLY go long term. It worked GREAT for weeding out the Nice guys who couldn't "make the cut". (Easier to part as friends with less "investment") However it would, of course, backfire if I found myself falling in love with a man who was NOT great Marriage material, or interested in a commtiment, yet a fantastic lover. Yes, I've gotten hurt.
Can you give some tips on how to avoid getting sexually involved with the man BEFORE the commitment; Yet find out if we're compatible in the bedroom BEFORE we get so "invested" in a relationship?
Thank you!

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Katey April 26, 2013 at 2:08 pm

I have always dated several men at once.  However, I do find that even though I enjoy their company, I'm uncomfortable holding hands, hugging or cuddling with them unless I'm attracted to them.  It takes me a few days to feel an attraction.  Unfortunately, I rarely feel an attraction for more than one man at a time, so I still fall into the category of wanting "that one man".  I imagine what I need to do is develop a way of attracting & dating more men that I would be attracted to and more quickly. 

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Donna January 30, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Hi Cherry,
I have friends that say you can’t enter into a serious relationship if you are still seeing someone who might have been a possible candidate, but you know it is not going to work. The point they make is that there is no room made for a new commitment or that metaphysically you can’t have success with another person until you get the one you had hoped to be right out of your system. Yes, there was intimacy and exclusivity but it didn’t result in full commitment. What do you think?

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Eva January 30, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I LOVE this approach. I have been dating a lot. Getting to know men and how they think. I recently went out on a first date for lunch four days ago. I really liked him. He asked me if I would like to see him again, this time for dinner and I said yes. He sent me an email the night of our date saying he had a good time , I responded with a thank you I had a great time too. I have been waiting for a call from him for the last three days, nothing. But since I have been making plans with other men I donโ€™t feel the need to call or email the guy I like. I’m waiting for him to make the next move. There is no reason why women canโ€™t โ€œdateโ€ more than one man at a time. When you do find the one and both of you decide to take it to the next level then being just with him is good.

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Cherry Norris January 30, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Yay, Eva!

You got it! Give yourself as many choices as possible! ๐Ÿ™‚

Love, Cherry

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Eva February 3, 2012 at 12:26 pm

hi Eva, Thanks for sharing..very inspiring : )

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Florence February 7, 2012 at 4:57 am

I like what you say Eva, about not waiting around and moving on to date another man. I think this is how I can relate to this “Duty Dating” idea. Keep going until you get what you want, in other words. That makes sense to me. I’m going to give it a go. Thanks ladies, for sharing your experience. Blessings to you all.

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Newcomer January 28, 2012 at 1:02 am

Hello-
First, Cherry is that ring REAL?

I understand the dating and cuddling without sex until in a
committed relationship. What do you mean by committed? Married? Exclusive?
I know lots of men will claim to want to be exclusive and temporarily be exclusive to get women to have sex with until he wants to move on…..so how to weed out exclusive and committed with longevity VS exclusivity and short term affair? And what if he thinks he does but really doesn’t?
Thanks

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Kim June 28, 2013 at 12:29 pm

Hi,
Confession: I used to date one man at a time and felt guilty and owed each something if I date others…and after each break up, I felt like I had lost so much times of my life and each birthday comes, I counted the dates…so this year 2013, turned 54 in January and a change woman, I had dated so far, 9 men, nada…didn't waste time to pine over anyone and I don't feel I have to make anyone happy, he should make me happy and if I feel happy, I'll invest more time.  If not, I move on. 
One of them is bound to show up.  Dating 4 guys now, one is the best, attentive, loving, funny and had to ask him to slow down a bit…once that excited wore off, I want to see if he is still the same guy who is so excited to text, talk and email me daily and after each phone calls and dinner out, telling me how great I am and that he so enjoyed talking and spending time with me.  The others are catching up, same thing, but in different scale and I will choose one eventually…darn, feel like a nun already ๐Ÿ˜€  but very good advice Cherry…
Love,
 
Kim 

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Florence January 27, 2012 at 7:44 pm

I don’t agree with this approach for a person who is serious about having a committed life partnership. If a person wants to stay in dating and just have ‘fun’ with a bunch of guys, this is the way to go.
These kind of relationships go no where, in my experience. This is ‘dating’/mating, not courtship. The guy isn’t committed, he probably doesn’t even want a relationship, and certainly not a committed one, he has even told you so!, you are not getting as much attention and appreciation as you want, he is giving other women romantic attention too, so you fill in with other guys…..who don’t want that much attention and time with you either or who YOU are not really that interested in, they love you and you go to them to get the love you aren’t getting with the one you really love……, you start doing the same as he is doing (acting out and being careless, focused on getting, rather than loving others and yourself), so then what have you got?? Two guys that you are not totally happy with and two relationships that are going no where (your wills are not aligned), and secretly you are hoping you are going to win this game and someone is going to choose you at some point and want a committed relationship with you? You are hoping for a CHANGE. Oh dear, we have all heard about this mistake….hoping he will change. Why would he do that? You are willing to settle for less. You are not even loving yourself.
Do you really want a committed relationship/life partnership? Then love and respect yourself by choosing a man that is available and wants a committed relationship too, one that is interested in you, one that you feel appreciated by, one that gives you the time and attention that you desire to have, one that you feel loved and cared about by, ONE THAT YOU ARE HAPPY WITH NOW, one that cares about what you want and need and is responsive when you ask for what you want and need. One that is enough and all of what YOU want to have! Be the chooser, be what you want to have (committed, focused, sincere, loving, and caring), give one relationship at a time a chance and either you are happy with it and you keep going, or you accept that you are not happy, communicate your wants and needs heartfully, and if he is not responsive or compatible, move on gracefully. Yes women, love yourself, and you will be loved. Love is not a game. Love is loving, and it starts with loving yourself and being honest and caring about what you want and how you feel, and by following your feelings. All the best.

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S April 26, 2013 at 1:29 pm

Well said Florence!
 

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sue April 26, 2013 at 5:18 pm

Am also surprised Cherry's approach this time. I never ever once dating more than one, it's probably less efficient (maximize the result but putting the bets as much as you can) but I agree it's up to each woman's goal. If I just want to serial date a guy, I'd rather put him in a friendship mode, no kissing ! Women put themselves in so much trouble emotionally and physically (kissing is still physical), dating sisn't a kind of stuff to juggle, it's about your heart, about your purpose  and your guts. Most importantly, she learns to self-ssoth as that how marriage works, nobody will cherish you 24/7.  I know pretty well that this kind of man also expects to play games with a woman who dates more than a guy. Is this really what you want ? being a gamer to handle a gamer ?? Sorry, but this kind of stuff is way over for over 30 years old woman, with a job and adult responsiblities, who's really looking. It's a pity because a serious guy would get more confused too and then at worst,  he would  label all women as players.  Cherry, I've been into your column specifically for adult advises…Would be great if the topics are consistent with the audience.

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sheri May 6, 2013 at 12:00 am

Florence,
Men date a variety of women because each one adds value to his life in different ways.  And until he meets one that shows alot of potential,he plays the field.   Why can't women take advantage of the same smart strategy?  Getting to know people takes time.  People reveal themselves in time.  You can't know right away if it's gonna last.  Exactly what is wrong with dating several guys at once?
You said ("Then love and respect yourself by choosing a man that is available and wants a committed relationship too, one that is interested in you, one that you feel appreciated by, one that gives you the time and attention that you desire to have, one that you feel loved and cared about by, ONE THAT YOU ARE HAPPY WITH NOW, one that cares about what you want and need and is responsive when you ask for what you want and need. One that is enough and all of what YOU want to have! Be the chooser, be what you want to have (committed, focused, sincere, loving, and caring), give one relationship at a time a chance and either you are happy with it and you keep going, or you accept that you are not happy, communicate your wants and needs heartfully, and if he is not responsive or compatible, move on gracefully.") Florence, don't you think these things take time?  You can't figure this all out right away.  My lord, if I dated 1 man at a time to figure this all out and then move on to the next…well, that could take decades.  I'm sorry, but the more variety I have to choose from, the less needy I can be because I am living from abudance instead of scarcity.  And that shows in me when I am in front of a man.  I am less likely to take crap, pretzel myself, or be inauthentic if I have many men (I'm not trying to make the man in front of me be "the one").  It is WAY easier for me to guage what I like & what I don't when I have more experience…as well as I can practice being authentic.

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Cherry Norris May 6, 2013 at 6:46 pm

Well said, Sheri!
Love, Cherry

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Marina September 12, 2013 at 1:31 am

Hi Cherry,
I agree with you and I even have Rori Raye's audo cds and some dvds on what she calls circular  dating so I am familiar with this method but still find it awkward and very challenging and not able to implement it. What I find difficult is how do you say that to each man without hurting their feelings or them running away. I am currently in a kind of (more email at this stage) long distance relationship with a much younger man in Africa we originally spoke on Skype but his finances have not been able to allow that for a few months now he still sends almost daily emails and we converse that way. I find it really hard to navigate through all this dating more than one when I am so focussed and happy with one but TOTALLY  get the thng and issue with me is yes I can go into needy and leading sometimes ARGH ๐Ÿ™‚ when I know it doesn't work clearly as he pulls away for a little when I do that and bounces back when I sit back in my seat and get on with my life. Do you have any suggestions here that would make it easier and flow and so I could stay in that place of my beautiful feminine juicy energy I know I have plenty of as does every woman ๐Ÿ™‚ and allow myself to trust him and him leading and do less (because sometimes I am overflowing with feelings and declarations of love that I can't contain it)( be showered by a man's love. I have gotten better but can easily slip back and I am pretty good at showing appreciation for whatever attention and love I am given. Gosh hope that makes sense…blessings Marina 

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Louise April 10, 2015 at 1:34 pm

I'm on the fence with this one. Suffice to say multiple dating isn't common in UK (where I live). I agree multi dating entails splitting energy and attention between potential 'suitors' and that a beau likely won't take it well when he finds out he's one of many. I would vanish if he told me he was seeing multiple women tbh. Only time this would fly is after a singles or speeddating event where one may get many numbers, BUT I'd hope to be screened in/out quickly so I don't waste weeks with a man who hasn't decided who he wants or who wants to play the field. Thing is at my age (47 and unmarried), multi dating may be the fastest option to bring forth a husband as I don't have the time younger women do.

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Kim January 27, 2012 at 6:03 pm

My concern with dating/kissing/cuddling more than one man at a time is calling one (or more) of them by another’s name! How does one avoid doing that? Also, I hate it when people call this “serial dating.” It sounds criminal. Why not “casual dating.” Isn’t that what dating is, anyway (until it’s serious)? ๐Ÿ˜‰

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sheri May 5, 2013 at 11:48 pm

Maybe it's me, but i don't understand why women ask this question.  When I meet 5 new women friends at a party and go out for tea with each of them through out the following couple of weeks i NEVER slip up and call them by another name.  Why would I?  They are nothing alike.  If you can't keep track of the names of the men you are dating, i think there is something else blocking you from doing so….

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