Tammy is a great woman with a great heart.
She knows it and everyone tells her so.
She has no problem attracting men.
In fact, men tell her all the time how beautiful, smart and sexy she is.
So why is it a man compliments her one minute and the next thing she knows he leaves saying, "You're so great you deserve someone better."
It's sooooooo frustrating to meet a quality man who gets your humor and wit.
It's disheartening to think everything's going well and suddenly he says, "You're great but I can't give you what you want."
What the BLEEP is he talking about?
Today's video gives you a fun, fail-proof tip on what a man's really thinking when he pursues you with compliments and kisses, then flips the switch and leaves!
Thanks so much for watching and sharing the tips with your friends.
Please leave me a comment below and tell me what happens when a man you like says you're smart and sexy.
Enjoy!
Love,
Cherry
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
I recently had this experience with a man I was involved with in a 4 year relationship where we had quite a few breakups, including one that lasted almost a year. Again, this past December, we broke up yet again and this time, I am convinced it is for good. I recently received an email from him where he told me he felt I cared more about my friends than I did about him. There were other things like how he never felt I put as much into "we" and was much more concerned with "I". But I think the main issue is that this man just did not feel appreciated or that he had a prominent place in my life. I do have quite a few close friends and he has none. While I thought I was doing him a favor by including him in the "group", he resented it and would have preferred to have me all to himself. While ths is perhaps flattering, I also view it as not the healthiest way to live my life. I simply never felt comfortable once it became clear that I had to make a choice between a relationship with him and my relationships with my close friends.
Great awareness, Pam.
Balance is the key!!
Love, Cherry
Hi Cherry,
I am guilty as charged, and I find it is a hard course to stay on, not falling to starboard to getting overwhelmingly smart, and not fallint to port, stuffing your intelligence and dumbing down not to bruise a man's ego. I think in mid-age, when a woman is finally coming into a period of having the time to focus on herself, and use her gifts to shine, it is certainly difficult for a man to swallow, as he is focusing on putting away his career and being more interested in the sexy, for the smart, intimidates men, in my experience, from high school til their in their 80s. I just became an author of a very intelligently put together non-fiction book. A gentleman in his mid 70s who I sailed with, because he recognzied I was smart enough to sail, was curious to read my book. In his lifetime, he worked for decades with doctors, in hospital HR. Well, his first comment, was I didn't know a little woman could be so smart. On that inital first couple of dates, I let me do most of the talking, as I understand it is like a peacock showing his feathers, but at some point I want to be able to share my story of achievement and not have that be always the cause for failure of a relationship.
Thanks, I always enjoy your topics, and of course, being a seasoned sailor, I love your tale of how you met and married your man.
Lovely, Robin!
Your man will appreciate your waiting a couple of dates before sharing your stories.
Let him strut his stuff and see if you want to share your stuff after you learn about him
Love, Cherry
Cherry, you are so smart! My boyfriend is between an alpha and a beta. He's successful and generous and also in touch with his feelings. I saw that if I wasn't careful, I would end up in the masculine role in terms of the planning and doing. I could see that rather than make a misstep, he wanted to turn things over to me. I told him point blank that in our relationship, I wanted to feel womanly, and therefore, he had to take the lead. Wow! His face lit up! He knew EXACTLY what I meant and asked no further questions. Since that time, he has been the initiator, planner and provider, and he keeps telling me that he is happier and more fulfilled than ever before in his life. Thank you for telling us alpha females to kick back and quit trying to impress men. They're already impressed, and they ADORE doing their "job" as the man in the relationship!
YAY YAY YAY, Karrie!
Wonderful news
Love, Cherry
Hi Cherry,
Last weekend a man asked me if I wanted to go out this weekend. I said I'd like that. I had another event to attend. He asked me to let him know what my availability was. I got right back to him and let him know I could go out Saturday night or Sunday. He called me every night this week except last night (Valentine's Day) but never again mentioned going out this weekend, even though I let him know I was available. Now it's Friday, a week's gone by and no date is set up. What's going on with this, anyway? Should I just move on?
I had the same case as Karrie with my relationship – but just like her, I made my boyfriend see that I wanted him to lead; just like how a couple of weeks ago you answered my question about having my man ask me to plan our dates, Cherry. He knows that I want him to be the man to lead now and we're oh so happy.
We just celebrated Valentine's Day together yesterday and he never stops telling me that I'm bright, gifted, sexy – in fact he calls me 'beautiful'. I love it so very much and always show him that compliments like that please me and make me glow. I always say something along the lines of, "Oh…that makes me so happy;" or "I love it when you say you think I'm beautiful."
So he responds by always caressing me with the sweet words I love and I let him know that everything he says is precious to me.
Thank you for another great video, Cherry.
Jasmin.
I LOVE it, Jasmin!
So happy for you!!
Love, Cherry
He used to say: "you are sexy and beautiful!" and I used to get upset and ask: "Is that all I am to you? Is there anything else you like about me?"
Thanks E!
Next time, just say “thanks!”
Actually, this sounds like something a man says when he's just not that into you, and is trying to let you down easy, or he really isn't good enough for you.
And any man who told me, "I didn't know a little woman could be so smart", would get the boot, right quick. Robin, you do deserve someone better.
Thanks Cherry, as always. I have had this experience too. And I now know that I wasn'ttre tha totally ready to receive then. But it's also very clear to me that he wasn't ready to give or make space in his own life for me.I was asking for more i.e. committment and delicious love and he said I can't give you the love you want and deserve. Then I ended up settling for his crumbs and that was awful.
I so want to do better for myself now.
Great awareness Jessie!
You are worth SO much more than crumbs!!
Love, Cherry
Cherry, your videos are FANTASTIC! I mean that. I'm loving them and it seems that each one gets better than the one before. Love you! Miss you!
Kara
Thanks Kara! Miss you too!!
Cherry, your advice is so spot on. It's tough to show your famine side n this modern world.
I ward off famines by keeping a nice pot of soup on the stove. LOL
Funny Bee!!
I think there's a difference between 'dumbing down' and letting a man know you have room for him in your life. Being competent doesn't mean you don't want support and love. Or even that you have strengths as well as some things you'd love help with. Both people need to feel they're needed. If you're with a secure, non-sexist man your strengths are an asset.
I would love to hear a response on Karen's question above. I too have experience similar circumstances. They ask for your availability and then they don't set up a date. WTH?!
As i was giving the other guy time to figure things out, - like you told me to ( it took him a month to call me ) while going out with other three men i really just practice my skills with- another man showed up, he's 28 and i'm 30, we work together and met last december, we've been out 2 or 3 times, we kissed on our second date, he frequently call or texts me to grab breakfast together, or walks me to my car at the end of the day, i've been carefull not to act like this sketch, so i let him do all the talking, paying, i ask for his opinion, i thank him for his time and compliments, and it is going fantastic, earlier today he told me "you are very mature, i haven't put my thoughts together…", seeing where this conversation was going, i said, thank you, but even though i might look strong and mature sometimes, you must remember i'm just a girl, and i'm glad to have you to walk me to my car or do what nots.
He left and later i got a text in which he called me little Diana. That means he feels like a man, i DID it! i used to think all sorts of feminist stuff about being called little, or having people think i couldn't do stuff on my own.
Thank you
Hi Everyone!
Happy we all survived Valentine's Day.
I agree with everyone who wants the man to lead to keep themselves from falling into that role of being the better man OR telling the man out right, "I want you to lead." That is fabulous and something I'm not good at but getting better at.
I believe when a man says , "I deserve a better man" I believe him. Maybe he knows I am looking for a quality man and he's not in that phase. Maybe he wants to play around and isn't in a serious or settling down time of life. Also he could be used to more superficial women?
He knows I don't see us as compatible. I do have ideals and consider myself a respectable woman and men are still surprised by that today. And on one hand maybe they like they have to rise to the occasion and other times they don't want to change and both are fine with me. I always thank them for letting me know where they stand and move on. Nine times out of ten they come back a year or whatever later to test me to see if I am still moral. Or not up for their game. No I am not.
My thought is, if a man doesn't believe he is good enough for you but you stay with him, he will start to treat you poorly and disrespect you for being with him.
And the truth is, every man can't make us happy just as every woman is not right for every man. If a man doesn't make you happy I wouldn't play along. It's best to acknowledge the truth and let each other find more suitable matches.
Hi, Newcomer, You may be newcomer here but you're no Newcomer, it seems ! I find what you say VERY helpful. To me it's about accepting people how they are, really SEEING how they are, listening, not needing/wanting it to be different You have really great insight. .
I have had two dates recently, one with a new man and the other was a birthday date (mine) with a guy friend who I once was in a relationship with. I totally practiced being the engenue with both of them. I let them pay, I let them plan (with some input on my part), and I think both dates were successful. Who knows what the outcome will be with each of them, but I am having SO much fun "becoming" my new self with men. I am becoming a magnet, and they want to help, advise, and be their manly selves around me. When I find myself acting like "the man" I immediately step back and let him go back in the lead. In the past I would have thought doing this would make me "less-than." Now I see that with the right kind of man, it is so empowering.
Cherry, I watched Duty Dating on Valentine's Day and it was great. It really shows in a humorous way the things we do to push guys away, and also shows how someone wonderful can be just under your nose! Such as a good friend- I have several of those around. Thanks for making the film-good job! This V day was the first time in years I did not feel sad and ended up having a fantastic day by myself.
I hope you had a good one with your guy!
Thanks for all your videos, the blog, and the online seminars. You Rock!
Paige
Hi Sara and thanks!
I found this and it says much more eloquently what I was trying to say, maybe you've read this before?
—————Girls————————
————-are like apples——————
———on trees. The best ones—-
——-are at the top of the tree.——–
——The boys dont want to reach——
—-for the good ones because they ——
–are afraid of falling and getting hurt.—-
-Instead, they just get the rotten apples-
–from the ground that aren't as good, –
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
–reality, they're amazing. They just—-
—have to wait for the right boy to——
—– come along, the one who's———–
———– brave enough to—————–
—————–climb all——————-
—————–the way———————
—————-to the top——————–
————— of the tree.——————-
Are there men with serious emotional issues? I met a man I liked he's 40 never. Married no kids and I doubt he's ever had a long relationship. I have two children and am recently divorced. Well he asked me out on a date and during the two weeks seemed almost too eager to. Plan stuff together before the date…the day before the date he cancelled telling me he that in the moment he was fine but when it came down to actually going out he felt like he should avoid and I deserved better. This is the second time he's done this as we went out once last year with him never calling me…I'm totally confused as to what is wrong with him so I finally confronted him and asked him to tell me honestly if he does this to all girls his reply was that he does this to all women. I'm currently dating a few here and there and absolutely showed no signs of clinginess or desperation plus I'm successful and somewhat attractive..I just don't understand him or why it bothers me so much to be rejected before we even date
Hi Cherry,
This happened to me. After 6 weeks of dating and intense relationship, he said - you are smart, sexy and beautiful. I knew this was the first break up line. I just responded "I know that" and when he coninued with his "great story" of why we should not be together. I just lectured him on how much he hurt me, how he should not play with feelings of another being and told do not ever do this again to other women. I said this type of excuses are just not good enough and that he has to remember his age of above 40 as he is not 20 anymore to play with feelings. He wanted to be friends and meet for coffee. I refused.
Cheers,
Nicole